We are now having screenings of PGS all around the country, and I am doing Q&As afterwards. And one of the regular questions I get asked is:
How have I changed during the making of the film?
At first I found it a tough question to answer, for two reasons: firstly, it’s very personal, and I felt uncomfortable talking to a roomful of strangers about intimate things in my life. But secondly, the changes have been so profound, and far reaching, that it’s very difficult to articulate.
Perhaps there’s a third reason too – and I feel even more uncomfortable talking about this, because it’s about my spiritual growth. Even the term spiritual growth seems cheesy and facile – but I guess that’s what I’ve undergone in the making of the film.
And I allude to that in the film.
Well, I don’t allude to it, I state it categorically.
But it’s one thing to state it in a film, one thing to write about it in a blog such as this, another thing altogether to discuss it with a bunch of strangers in a big cinema with the lights on, holding a microphone, holding court.
For me, that’s tough.
But if I want this film to instigate change, then I have to toughen up and become more open about talking matters spiritual, and divine.
Getting back to that question: How have I changed?
One big change is this:
I don’t make decisions anymore, I feel them.
What does that mean?
It means that I trust my intuitive processes so much now that I no longer make decisions rationally, I make them by feeling what’s right or wrong. And I trust those feelings implicitly.
I never question them.
I talked in a previous blog about First thought, Best thought. This process of feeling a decision even goes beyond thought. The feeling could be in the gut for some people, it’s not for me. It’s an all-encompassing feeling of what I should do, irrespective of the consequences, irrespective of the logic that says I shouldn’t go that way, irrespective of what common sense would have me do, or what society would have me do, or what my rational self would have me do.
If it feels right, I do it.
If it feels wrong, I don’t.
For some people on the other side of these decisions, it can be confusing. I am expected to jump a certain way, because everyone else jumps that way – but my PGS tells me to jump the other way, so I jump the other way. To an outsider, it might seem crazy, even irresponsible. To me it’s the only right and proper thing to do – to trust my guidance.
I’m still raising money for the film to cover marketing and publicity costs. Someone saw the film at a screening and approached me to talk about investing. Right from the get-go it didn’t feel right. He was offering a lot of money, but he was the wrong energetic fit for my film. He was looking at investment from a P+L perspective. You can’t do that with this film. A decision to be involved has to be intuitive, not empirical.
So I said thanks, but no.
In doing so I knocked back a solid chuck of funding, but it didn’t feel right. And I have absolutely no regrets. Because someone else down the track will step forward, for the right reasons, and they’ll be the right energetic fit.
I know that’ll happen, because it’s happened before.
And because I trust that it will happen. So it will.
So I now don’t make decisions anymore, I feel them. And that’s caused a fundamental change in the way I live every moment of my life.
Because it’s taken the fear out of decision making, and that’s made me feel light, unencumbered, and free…