Intuition often expresses itself in the negative.

I knew I should have done…

You say to yourself: I knew I should have moved the coffee cup away from the edge of the table, when an accident happens and it spills.

I knew I should have checked my spare tire – when later you get a flat, and you discover your spare is flat too.

I knew I should have taken a second set of keys, when you misplace your first set and you're locked out.

You had a hunch, a gut feeling, a “sense” – but you didn't act on it. Because why should you? Then later, you reflect on your intuitive impulse, and you realise that you foresaw the eventuality.

But only because you didn't act on it.

If you'd moved the coffee cup, you would never have known if it would have spilled or not. If you'd checked the spare, you might not have had a flat. If you'd taken your second set of keys, you may not have misplaced the others.

Every day we have prescient thoughts and feelings. This is our PGS tugging at our skirt, or our shirt, trying to get our attention.

Sometimes it becomes apparent in an ah ha moment later.

Ah ha – I knew I should have moved that coffee cup…

George RR Martin, author of the fantasy series of books, A SONG OF ICE & FIRE – more commonly known as the Game of Thrones books – has several characters say: Words are wind.

By that, he means that words have no substance, they are inconsequential, they are ephemeral. They mean nothing. Only actions have substance, not words.

I agree with Mr. Martin – I think words are wind too – but I don't agree with his subtext.

I think words have enormous substance. They are not just puffs of air, they can be tornadoes. They can be hellfire storms. They can wreak havoc. They can destroy lives. Words have incredible power.

But they can also heal, inspire, praise, glorify. They can rebuild shattered lives. They can lift a person, a nation, to greatness. Martin Luther King's famous speech will be remembered for all time. Churchill and JFK too.

How powerful are the words: I love you.

With that power comes responsibility. We are each responsible for what we say, just as we're responsible for what we do.

Personally, I go one further and say we're responsible for what we think, too, because I believe that thought is as powerful as words and deed.

If this blog is different, it's because I require people to identify themselves. Same with my forum. No user-names. No hiding. Let's see who you are. If you have something to say, be accountable for your words.

Take responsibility.

That's what I do.

Here's three words for you to consider –

I am God.

Some random things from today –

My eyesight:

I went to my optometrist today and he ran tests. He was surprised to find, as I’d thought, that my long distance eyesight has improved. He told me it did sometimes happen – particularly as one gets older.

I told him about the Camino and asked if it was a miracle. He laughed, and said he didn’t think it was divine intervention, but even so he was surprised that it had improved so much.

My car:

I put my car in for service. It wasn’t ready when they said it would be ready, so they gave me a loaner. A demonstrator. I had several meetings and as I was parking, I nudged the loan car up against the curb. It scratched the wheel. An itsy bitsy scratch. It will cost me $400.

My blog:

If I’ve lost people from the blog because of this fuss about my indelicate post, then the stats don’t reflect that. As of 7pm, I’ve had more visitors and more page views than I’ve had for months. I don’t have a business model which is based on traffic – I don’t have a business model for this blog at all – but it seems that after putting up the “dwarf on fire” post, more people have come to the blog than have left.

My book:

My book is still being formatted. And I am getting the cover re-designed. I will send it out to those who want to read it when it’s all done, which hopefully won’t be long now. I got advice from a bloke in Chicago who has the Simon & Schuster connection that I will probably make more money, and have more control over the creative aspects of the book, if I e-publish. So that’s what I’ll do in the first instance.

But a couple of interesting things have happened – a journalist mate in Canada has read the book, really liked it, and written a terrific review. (Thank you Larry!) And a high powered literary agent has read the first five chapters, liked them, and now wants to read more. So all that is encouraging.

Camino dinner –

Jennifer and I attended our first Camino dinner last night in Sydney where we met some key people from this blog – Britta, Jenny, Julie, and some others. The New South Wales division of Australian Friends of the Camino is run by Sandra Collier, a beautiful woman. It was a great evening. By the way, Britta at that dinner told me I shouldn’t post the “dwarf on fire” blog, but I didn’t listen to her. I should have!

Thank you –

Thank you to all those people who came to my support over my post. I am very grateful – and also genuinely touched by that support. A blog is, by definition, a personal point of view. That said, I think we’ve spent enough time debating whether I’m a decent bloke or not. Let me tell you straight – I’m not. But each day I get out of bed and I try to be a better person.

I love you all. Sincerely. I do. You are am amazing bunch of people. Even those of you who think I’m a dick.

I have woken up here in Australia to this firestorm about the previous post.

I sincerely apologise if it offended any of you.

Let me explain –

1/. I am not a spiritual person and have never professed to be.

2/. I am a provocative person and always have been.

3/. I am warts-and-all on this blog, and have been from day 1.

4/. What happened with Mr. Johnstone (the dwarf) was not funny.

5/. I put the post up because I wanted to get a discussion going.

The set up as presented by the media treated the incident like a joke – the title for the post was the headline for the story in the Sydney Morning Herald – our equivalent of the NY Times:

Saint sinner sets dwarf on fire.

The media presented it in a provocative and jocular manner, and yet treated it seriously – which is the same kind of conflict I presented in my post.

In this country there has been scandal after scandal here involving footballers getting drunk and doing horrible things, mainly involving women. Nasty misogynist stuff.

This is no different.

Again, I sincerely apologise to anyone who took offence. It was not intended.

However I did intend to provoke thought and discussion. And if in the process of that you make judgements about me, then so be it… I will cite the mantra that got me across the Meseta –

I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you.

Bill

Off topic. Way way off topic…

But, my moral compass is spinning.

Here in Australia, a player from the Saints footy club set a dwarf on fire.

The dwarf in question was an entertainer at a club function to celebrate the end of the footy season, prior to the finals.

In good cheer, the footy players – the Saints – started off by setting their bootlaces on fire.

Then they set a dwarf on fire.

When informed of this, the head of the Australian Football League had a laughing fit on telly.

It’s caused a bit of a fuss here.

The dwarf is fine. A bit singed, but fine.

Evidently the footy players doused him out fairly fast, then in their exuberance they threw him off a balcony.

I’m conflicted.

I know, in my pilgrim heart, I shouldn’t find this funny.

Sister Clare – can you save my soul?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wT-Ysy062mY

Brendan, whose user name is SimplyB, sent this to me by private message on the Forum. I thought it was so well articulated that I asked if I could post it as a guest blog here, for you all to discuss. He gave me his permission.

I was delighted, because as you’ll see, Brendan approaches the question: How did the Camino change you? with a fearsome intellect. There’s plenty to discuss!

BRENDAN: 

You asked what the Camino did to transform us, and in what way if any.

I have read the other posts and see a lot of similarities and am therefore loathe to chime in with a “me, too”. There is no question that some degree of universality of experience is to be expected though unpredictable in any particular case.

While I in no way presume the following is unique to me, it is a simple laundry list of what has changed.

Full disclosure up front. A portrait just a year back would have had me as an extreme “Type A”, absolutely confident in what I was doing at all times and a complete and utter jerk. In fact, I have to believe that this is often what clients wished from me – a relentless pursuit of achieving objectives and, if some feelings got hurt… too bad.

On the good side, I never exploited people and gave up any engagement that would have required unethical behavior. A social being, not so much. “I would never belong to any club that would have me as a member.” (Thanks, Groucho!)

Faith was something very cerebral but very firmly held – – Mathematics exist so therefore also does God. (The proof is beyond scope of this note!) In self-discovery mode post-Camino, my Myers-Briggs record (pulled from past training records) would have me as an INTJ. (You can check out what that means here: 

http://www.personalitypage.com/INTJ.html)

So, what’s changed?

Mr. Type A is dead. Not quite sure what is going to replace him as that seems to be under construction even at this late date.

“J” (in INTJ types) is for “judging”. That particular trait died of neglect. I believe the demise started around Castrillo de los Polvazares, for no particular reason except that I am a slow learner. There was no formal obituary or even reading of words but maybe the death rattle happened past SdC at Olveiroa.

So, as one can surmise there is a big gap in operating attitudes between past and present. Adjustments are still being made.

Yes, I care about deadlines but work like the dickens to soft-sell an objective. More carrot, less stick. (For the dog-lover “Wag more, bark less.”) This transition is a bit difficult and has caused some alienation.

In family to a minor extent, more pronounced in external relations where I perceive that my utility may have been adjudged as “diminished”. (I might agree.)

While never very materialistic, it appears hard for me to even budge the needle on that dial any more. The Camino-induced simplicity is too great a lesson to ignore. This also has introduced tension into relationships.

Though I will not actively sever old relationships, neither can I adopt the “goods-based” worldview to measure success. I do not preach this. It is not a pre-condition for people to agree with my decision in order to be my friend. But it is a change in my attitude that has been detected and found to be wanting.

(BTW, there is precious little glamour in “living poor”. It takes time, a lot of it. It requires flexibility and resourcefulness to be developed to a high degree. And it requires not having things that maybe you, or family, might like to have. I am not recommending it as a desirable pursuit. Like the Camino, the call has to find you… or so I believe.)

I’m still not very social (“I” is for Introverted) but am more at ease when there is no recourse but to engage. I appreciate people more even if I find their behavior loathsome. (Please note that I brightly demarcate between a person and their behavior.)

Even so, I now never miss an opportunity to shut up unless called upon to defend what I know and can prove to be true. And whenever an opinion must be proffered, the triple dictum of Aristotle serves as an effective filter for whatever response is to be made. “Is it true? Is it useful? Is it beautiful?” Talk about dampening one’s output of words!

About Faith…. It now extends well beyond the cerebrum or all of the foregoing would have proved impossible to absorb.

I’ll apologize in advance to anyone who has yet to walk the Camino and finds this report off-putting. I am asked “Should I walk the Camino?” My constant response is this: “Advising anyone to walk the Camino is way above my pay grade. However, if you are feeling called then you should prayerfully consider whether that call can be ignored.”

That about sums it up for me, Bill.

Brendan

I was in the post office yesterday. I had two parcels to pick up, and a bill to pay for my mother-in-law.

There was a long line.

I waited quite a while, until I was one back from being served. And then a postal lady stepped up to the counter and yelled out: Anyone with parcels to pick up?

So I stepped forward, grateful to be finally served, gave her my two slips for the parcels, and she went off to get them. She came back a short time later with my two parcels, which I duly signed for.

Then I said: And I have a bill to pay too.

Oh, I’m just doing parcels, she said. You’ll have to get back into the line to pay a bill.

You mean I have to go to the back of the line? I said.

That’s right, she said. I said “parcels only.”

Actually, I said, controlling my irritation, you didn’t say “parcels only,” you said “anyone with parcels.” There’s a difference.

I’m just doing parcels, the woman said crossly, and dismissed me to serve someone else.

I had to go to the back of the line, which had grown considerably longer.

I was furious.

Why was I furious?

Because the woman didn’t own up to her mistake. And it wouldn’t have taken her that much effort to process the bill then and there. And she could easily have said: No, you don’t have to go to the back of the line. You can be served next at the next counter.

Plus she didn’t apologise.

She then started calling out again: Anyone with parcels? Parcels only. Parcels only please.

I used to get angry. The things that angered me were:

• Laziness
• Hypocrisy
• Incompetence
• People who hide behind rules
• People who lack courage
• People who lack integrity

I got angry about social injustice. Racism. Political corruption. Blind and heartless bureaucracy.

I made films about these things. That helped purge a lot of my anger.

I used to think that anger was good. It motivated me to do things – to try to instigate change. I could use anger strategically. I never saw the fallout.

And there was fallout.

I failed to see that anger can be corrosive, destructive. That when you get angry, you lose control. You actually diminish your status. You think you gain power, but in fact the opposite happens. You lose power. And respect.

When I was younger, I would have kicked up a stink at that post office counter. I didn’t yesterday. I smiled and I got to the back of the line.

I think the Camino has helped me with all this.

I think this deserves a separate post –

Twelve months ago – SIX months ago – if someone had told me I’d soon count a nun as a very dear friend and confidante, I would have said they were nuts.

I’m not a church guy.

But somehow, Sister Clare has stepped into my life. And she’s had a profound impact.

She’s now an integral part of this blog. And I think I speak for everyone when I say that she has brought wisdom, insight, compassion, and an irreverent humour to her writings here.

Next April, she will be my guest on a pilgrimage tour from Porto to Santiago.I know she’s wanted to walk the Camino for some time, and this will be, in a small way, my way of thanking her for being who she is. And for the work she’s done, and continues to do – here on this blog and elsewhere.

I’m looking forward to this time with her. She is a remarkable woman and I hope to learn from her. And to have fun with her!

So Sister, on behalf of everyone here on this blog – we love you, and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATE!

Arlene has already walked the Camino.

She’s about to do it again.

Here’s her guest blog, about the power of the Camino to change you, from the perspective of an experienced Camino pilgrim –

How the Camino has Changed Me
And Why I Feel Compelled to Return

On September 1, 2012 I boarded the plane to take me to Biarritz, France.  I had been training for almost a year and felt strong and thoroughly capable of walking the Camino.  The hideous climb up to Col de Lepoeder did not look so daunting in the guidebook.

After all, I live in the foothills of two mountain ranges in Tucson, Arizona.  I trained on top of Mt. Lemmon at 9,100 feet. I trained in temperatures over 105 degrees Fahrenheit every day.  I was ready, willing and able.  The Camino was going to be a walk in the park for me.

I was Desert Hiking Chick – hear me roar!  I was arrogant in my self confidence.

First Camino Lesson – I was humbled. No, I was not Desert Hiking Chick!  I was an out-of-breath, out-of-shape old lady who had to stop every 10 feet to catch her breath with a 22 pound pack on her back climbing the Pyrenees Mountains.

The Camino removed the arrogance and superiority I exhumed so confidently.  I no longer feel the need to be smug; in fact I now believe such behavior on my part or in others is offensive.

Second Camino Lesson – The Camino showed me how being around negative people is conducive to being negative myself.  I ran into an extremely negative, opinionated woman who didn’t have a pleasant thing to say about anything or anybody.  After a day or two, I began to feel negative about the Camino experience myself.

The Camino taught me to avoid negativity.  But at the same time, it taught me tolerance of others.

Third Camino Lesson – It became very obvious that all I needed while on Camino was a clean change of clothing, a place to rest my head at night and food to sustain me.  When I returned home, I began, and still continue, to get rid of unnecessary stuff.  I’ve donated many items to those in need.

The Camino taught me I live in my own world of excess.  I may have the desire for certain material things but no true need for them.  It has caused me to contemplate seriously the need of the item before I make the purchase.

Fourth Camino Lesson – The Camino showed me on a daily basis the kindness of others.  There was always somebody willing to share or offer a helping hand.

While I was trekking up to Alto de Perdon, my trekking pole kept collapsing.  The adjusting clamp needed to be tightened.  I stopped to search for my Swiss Army Knife to tighten the clamp and two fellows from Minnesota stopped to help.

They gave me a 2 euro coin and told me not to use a screw driver it would strip the screw but to use the coin instead.  We laughed at the idea of them giving me their 2 cents.

The Camino has taught me to be kinder and more generous.  It has opened my heart to being more charitable.

Fifth Camino Lesson – Most importantly, the Camino reinforced the presence of God in my life.  God walked with me every day while I was on the Camino.  And, I am aware of his presence every day since.

I am returning to the Camino on September 15^th, just a few short days from now and then again on the PGS Camino Tour in April, 2014.

I feel compelled to return to the Camino.   I figure I have the Camino Virus or as I like to put it….Once Bitten!

But when I put all kidding aside I simply feel the Way of St. James is not finished with me. I have not yet completed the Camino curriculum.

Steve has sent through a guest blog which went up as a comment, but I post it here for clarity, and to give space for others to respond to.

Steve and I met through this blog – he walked his Camino with his wife Jill about a month after me. They got rained on. I got sun. It still bugs him, that…

😀

We’ve since become very good friends, as some of you might know, and we’ve spoken a couple of times on the phone. The extraordinary thing abut this blog is that it has engendered the most unlikely friendships from all over the world – and I feel like I know some of you as though we’ve been friends for years.

So here’s Steve’s blog in its entirety. No edits. Thank you Steve for these thoughts, and for your friendship…

I have learned to say that just because I don’t personally understand it does not make it wrong.  Just means I don’t see it the same way.  There are many gray areas in the world that we would like to make black and white.

 I believe one of the beautiful things about aging is that we are able to accept the gray in the world.  It does not have to look exactly like I see it.

 

We just had a pretty active contributor leave the blog for reasons known only to himself but I think it might have stemmed from this topic of judgment.  Does that make him wrong in some form or fashion or less than the rest of us who continue on with it.  Of course not.  He was just following his own pgs and decided that for him, he did not need to be affiliated with the blog.

 

The beautiful thing about this blog is that we all are able to live and let live and I don’t see much of anyone ever trying to change another’s point of view.  It is a good healthy interaction.  Some people choose to comment on every thread, and others like to lurk in the shadows as someone put it and get their pleasure from reading but not participating.

 

Does that make them less a member of the pgs family?  Of course not.  Each of us can take what we want from the blog, and leave the rest and allow all other viewers to do exactly the same thing.

 

I truly do try to live my life without judgment or expectation.  I have found that if I can manage my own life that it is a full time job, and I have nothing left over to manage another’s.