Shortly after beginning this experiment, I posted on this blog that I didn’t care what people thought of me.
A friend of mine, Steve, (who has strangely disappeared from this blog lately) commented that he didn’t believe me. He thought that I did care what people thought. And I told him emphatically that I didn’t.
I was speaking from the perspective of vanity. What I look like. Because Steve cares a lot about his looks. He’s a champion bodybuilder. I’d just posted a silly shot of me wearing a cosmic ray reflective collar, and I thought Steve was commenting on my appearance. So my response to him at the time was true – I didn’t, and I don’t, care what people think of what I look like. My appearance.
But from the perspective of personal and professional reputation – who I am as against what I look like – then yes, I do very much care what people think of me. From that point of view Steve was right.
Within the film industry I would like to think that I have a solid reputation. Not everyone is going to like every film I’ve ever made, but I would hope that over nearly forty years of professional life I’ve earned a reputation of being someone who is diligent, who has integrity, and who cares about humanity. Irrespective of any commercial or artistic success or failure, I hope I’ve achieved a reputation for being an honest craftsman who works hard and cares about others.
I could very easily blow that reputation in fifteen days in Dallas.
I have not been honest with you here in these past postings to protect my reputation. I have often times withheld my true feelings, my true beliefs.
The film industry judges harshly.
For a start, humility within the film industry is deemed a weakness. The film industry works on hype, on spin, on everyone telling everyone else how good they are.
If you walk into a room full of studio execs or financiers or distributors or producers, and you’re humble, they’ll think you’re a pussy. You’ll get nowhere. They prefer bombast. A dog-and-pony show. They prefer touts and spruikers. They like you to be loud and brash.
I refuse to play that game.
The Camino humbled me. Ever since, I’ve tried every day to be humble. And I’ve carried with me the perhaps naive belief that I will be judged ultimately on my past work, and my present actions. So I don’t talk myself up. If others want to talk me up, then that’s okay, but I won’t.
The film industry is also very suspicious of what I’ll call “woo woo.” Spiritual, religious, or supernatural beliefs. It seems contradictory that for those power-brokers and decision-makers who work in the dream factory, which is what Hollywood is sometimes called, they should be so earth-bound. So resistant to the etheric. So dismissive of those who hold beliefs that are innately spiritual.
Those Hollywood big-guns who at a cocktail party might scoff at anyone who professes to believe in angels, will next day greenlight a $150m movie about comic book heroes with supernatural powers. Or a pilot that takes a spacecraft into other dimensions. Or a young girl who falls in love with a vampire. They feel safe in calling it fantasy.
Within the film industry it’s dangerous to publicly express beliefs that are outside the norm.
I will state now that I’ve been deeply affected by what’s happened over this past eleven days. Even though at times on this blog I might have come across as being jocular or sceptical or an intransigent disbeliever, I have at times been profoundly overwhelmed by what’s happened, and what I’ve been told.
How could I not be? Because think about it – what I’ve been told:
- That I have a message to give to the world.
- That the message will have a major beneficial impact on the world.
- That as a consequence I will acquire immense wealth.
- That I will use that money for the betterment of mankind.
- That I will be afforded universal respect and admiration for what I’m doing.
- That I will be treated like a King.
I now have two esteemed Vedic astrologers from opposite ends of the earth – one from the East and one from the West – both telling me that this is going to happen. They have no doubt.
Okay, so let me ask you: if you were in my shoes and you were told this stuff, how would you respond? Would you believe it? And if so, then what would you do? Or would you blithely dismiss it and assign it to the bin full of odd and crazy things that have happened in your life, then think nothing more about it?
You see, I believe it. I believe it unconditionally. Without reservation. I believe that what they’ve predicted is going to happen.
- I believe that I have a message to give to the world.
- I believe that message will be of great benefit to humanity.
- I believe that it’s going to make me a lot of money.
- I know that if I make a lot of money, then I’ll use it to do more good work.
- I suppose that if all that happens, then I’ll be respected.
In the spirit of full disclosure, let me tell you what else I believe.
- I believe in divine guidance.
- I believe in an all encompassing, all pervasive force of pure unimaginable love that some would call God.
- I believe in destiny
- I believe in free will
- I believe in reincarnation
- I believe that children choose their parents
- I believe that we’re each born into this earthly realm to achieve certain things and learn certain lessons.
- I believe in the subtle body
- I believe we each have a soul
- I believe that our soul is everlasting
- I believe that our soul is always constantly seeking a higher plane.
- I don’t believe in death
- I don’t believe in religion
- I don’t believe in evil
- But I do believe in ignorance, which spawns fear and hate
- I believe in divine messengers
- I believe we are each given signs, constantly, to help direct us along our path.
- I believe in a Higher Self, or Selves
- I believe in miracles
- I believe that ultimately, the only thing that truly matters is love.
That’s what I believe. Some of what I believe.
And I still have so much to learn.
I have filmed over thirty interviews in India, Italy and now the US, with some of the wisest and most learned spiritualists, theologians, scholars, religious leaders, philosophers, and even a living Saint. And they’ve all told me the same thing – that the voice I heard in the car that saved my life was a divine intervention. And that my life was saved because of past good karma. They tell me my life was saved for a purpose. And it’s now up to me to fulfil that purpose.
Most of these eminent people agreed to an interview because they saw that in telling a personal story, I was in fact telling a universal story that could reach millions, and could help raise human consciousness and awareness.
That’s what I want to do. I just want to get on and make my film, and get it out there. That’s my purpose.
So in the interest of full disclosure, those are my beliefs, and that is what I want to do.
I don’t care what you think of me…
Thank you Bill for baring your soul. There is more that I could say, but won’t. You said it all.
Light and Love Ingrid
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Thank you Ingrid. You forced it out of me!! 🙂
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Good on ya Bill. You know when I was editing at the ABC, Sydney when we first met, I came to believe all that you listed above. I was the odd one out all those years ago but I still hold those beliefs because I know it’s true. Nice to know that you are a fellow traveller from the film world.
Thank you Brian – yes I was a bit of a brash angry young man in those days with a lot to prove. There was a staid conservatism particularly in the rural department that I railed against. But hey, we’ve all come a long way since those days… Thank you for saying that… Bill
I would like to say ‘thank you’ Bill. At the ABC and after, we were never close and I only occassionally heard about what you were up to in the film world. Then for some reason not so long ago, I came across you on Facebook so felt it would be nice to make contact. It just happened to be at the time when you were heading of to walk the Camino which I have wanted to do myself for many years. And then you started to talk about the PGS which I became very interested in hearing about and following your thoughts and discoveries. So I now believe that I was actually meant to find contact with you to inspire me again to use what I had years ago in trusting the universe. Things are a bit tough at the moment moving back from Tokyo with my new wife and finding somewhere to live and finding work, etc. So Bill you are helping me to start believing and trusting again. So I thank you.
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That’s wonderful Brian, thank you. Yes, what I’m learning is to let go and trust, and all that you want will come to you. You have been a very warm presence here on the blog for sometime, and I thank you for that. Bill
Wow Bill, I am blown away by your honesty and your convictions! Respect!
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Very very sweet of you to say Don, my sincere thanks. Bill
Very powerful stuff, Bill. You state your beliefs and attract all those who share them as well. You’ve given a gift to your readers. Keep your hands open and be prepared to receive.
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Thank you Michael. It’s starting to happen. I’ll explain on the blog tonight, but today is unfolding in an amazing way. I appreciate your, and Kathryn’s support, thank you.
Dear Michael, I was reading this post and wondering how best to answer to show Bill he has touched me yet again with his honesty and integrity – and you said it all, simply, succinctly. Thank you 🙂 Britta
Thank you too Britta.
Bill, thank you for putting your beliefs in today’s entry. I find myself sharing most of them. Furthermore, I agree with what you write on humility. Humility is so important and so often overlooked.
Hi Vijay – thank you for your input here. I’m curious, what views don’t you share? (you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to. I don’t mean to pry – I’m just curious… )
Bill — I’m certain we’d need to have whichever one-on-one whenever, as there are some things that my own PGS tells me could only be said (either way) and discussed : non-electronically …
… but still ; the relationship between the intuition and the intellect is, I think, as unstable as it is uneasy, and many great mystics both East and West have warned against the serious dangers of clinging overly hard to whichever insights are not yet fully manifest.
My own intuition tells me you’re on whichever proper pathway … but : I think you need to pay a bit more attention to the intuition of others as it can centre sometimes upon you and yours, as well as simply letting yourself flow along the intuitive streams of your fellow travellers for their own mysterious or incomprehensible needs.
What comes in must come out.
* children choosing their parents is an ancient literary motif that feels artificial and wrong to me
* the notion that souls are constantly seeking a higher plane is incompatible with the notions of “everlasting” or “eternal” : to use the mirror image of a philosophical maxim used in the Matrix films, Everything that has an End must have a Beginning
* your disbelief in religion is as inconsequential to its existence as the atheist’s disbelief is inconsequential to God’s — what you disbelieve in is more likely to be false religiosity. Religion is simply the organisation of shared worship of God of those who have Faith in Him
* and I’m sorry, but evil exists, because it will become necessary for you to defeat it
Julian, I respect your Christian views on these matters. Bill
These are more than just views, Bill, and it’s frustrating that there is this great internet reef preventing the kind of open discussion that face-to-face allows …
My Christian views are a consequence of my experiences, not the cause of my disagreements.
Hi Julian, yes I look forward to the time when we meet and discuss all this face to face as well. I understand your views come through intense personal experience, and hence my respect. Bill
Well Mate, you have awakened the silent Texan, so I guess I will comment now.
When you posted on your Day 4/Pt. 1 Blog “I don’t care what anyone thinks of me anymore”, it followed your thoughts on whether you were brave or not, and had nothing to do with vanity. Much of the blog was devoted to whether you would be brave or not if things got out of hand next door. I honestly paid no attention to the picture of you in the “cosmic collar”. That was just the Bill I know being funny.
My exact comment regarding that blog was “Do you really not care what others think of you? Sounds macho, but somewhat doubtful. At least to me.”
Your exact response to my comment was, “I can imagine you would find that hard to believe.”
I think it is a stretch today to write, “And I told him emphatically that I didn’t”. You said nothing of the kind. And you never implied or inferred that you were talking about your appearance. And, how did my appearance get into your blog today? Putting into context that we were talking about appearance? I, and my appearance, have nothing to do with what is going on in Dallas.
Now that we have that out of the way, let me say that I think you are a brilliant story teller and one hell of a talented man. I think the lead up to and the trip to Dallas is brilliant, and what a fascinating story you tell, and you dribble just enough to keep everyone eager to read the next line, turn the next page, or read the next blog You are very good at what you do.
I must admit, I actually thought you and Jennifer were heading alone to Dallas to live in a cheap hotel for up to 15 days and that anything else that happened would be total serendipity, or in your stars, so to speak. I never bought into the idea that you had no money, because whether it is in your pocket or Jennifer’s pocket, you had money. Even cheap hotels and cheap mexican food cost money.
And I even invited you to drive a couple of hours to have a great Thanksgiving meal with my family and interview my 97 year old mom about intuition. Her insights might have surprised you. You responded that you could not leave the cosmic rays, but in retrospect, after following the blog, I think there might have been other reasons as well.
Shortly after you relayed that you would be slumming it in Dallas, Linda Lozner, Arlene Mourier and I considered coming to Dallas and surprising you and Jennifer and treating you to a Thanksgiving dinner. Aren’t you glad that plan did not materialize?
Then, after three days of survival mode in a cheap motel with cheap food, miraculously, on Day 4, you are rescued by Joni Patry and elevated to the Adolphous Hotel, wined and dined, and introduced to the financially elite of Dallas. Exactly as Dr. Bhatt had predicted. Total serendipity? Astrological alignment? I think not. But, hey, that is just my opinion.
At one point in Joni”s interview with you, you state “on the fourth day, in fact, I got a phone call from you”. Later in the interview she states, “I am so honored that you contacted me and we came together”. Who contacted who is of little importance, but I can not stretch enough for this to be serendipity and just good fortune because you came to Dallas and your stars were aligned. I might even speculate that Joni’s being in Dallas might be why Dallas was to be so beneficial. After all, she and Dr. Bhatt are both Vedic Astrologers. Who knows? Just thinking out loud.
And the on Day 6, Ratchit appears in the blog without explanation. When and how did he get to Dallas? I would surmise that he might have made the trip with you, but obviously, it is only conjecture on my part, and of little importance other than it takes away from you and Jennifer being thrown alone into the big city of Dallas to seek your fortune and fame and embark on your journey to become vastly wealthy and save humanity.
The reason I have not commented on your Dallas blogs is because, frankly, I didn’t know what to say. I read each carefully and actually went back and reread and re listened to you and Joni several times to see if I was missing something. I don’t know that I would have ever commented if you had not misstated our earlier communication in the blog today. Or I might have just shared my thoughts with you through a private email. I have nothing to gain and possibly risk losing your friendship. It would appear that I am definitely in the minority where your followers are concerned. But, I do have a strong sense of needing to tell it how I see it. Is that my intuition at work? I think it might be. I know that the little hairs on the back of my neck continued to stand up as I read your blog each day. Am I right in my observations? Only you know the answer to that question.
In closing, let me again say that I remain convinced that you absolutely care what people think of you. That does not mean that you don’t march to your own drum, because, clearly you do, but that is different from not caring what others think of you. I think very highly of you. It’s obvious your followers and commenters think highly of you. I think you are brilliant and an incredible story teller, and after all, isn’t that what you have devoted your life work to doing? You continue to amaze me and I remain grateful that I was introduced to this blog on your fourth day of walking the Camino Frances, and that we have had the opportunity to spend one-on-one time together since then. I value your friendship.
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Thank you Steve. Good to see you back here!
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Hey Mate. I have been following with interest, but not sure what I wanted to post, so I didn’t post anything. Well, after waking me up by including me in this blog, I have come alert and actually posted a rather lengthy comment. Of course, it went into wordpress cyber space and is never to be seen again. I will reconstruct it and post later, but wanted to see if this short one posts in the meantime. More later, hopefully.
OK, so it is working, and who knows what happened to the lengthy post of an hour or so ago. I have to assume it will never surface, but then again, it might. I will try to put it back together from memory.
Hi Steve, I just rescued your long piece from the spam filter. I think it ended up there because of the length.
I’ve decided not to bat back and forth the points you’ve raised.
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Thanks Bill, and I couldn’t agree more. I just had to get that all off my chest, and let it go. I don’t need or expect any rebuttal from you. We just might have different perspectives, and such is life. I think we might have had different perspectives before. 🙂
Haha – yes Steve, I think so. Just about to go out to dinner now with two gentlemen and their wives to discuss film financing!!
I believe all the same things!
Thanks Joni. Good to see you here!
I see my earlier post finally came through. I am grateful as I sure did not have to redo that one, but I was already underway.
I still love you like a brother Mate. 🙂
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You’re a sweetheart Steve!
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