An abusive post…

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I got an abusive post a couple of hours ago.

From someone called Peter. He had a bigpond email address, which means he’s Australian. As far as I’m aware, it’s the first time he’s posted on the blog.

I’ve deleted his post, but some of you might have received it via email notification. Here’s what he said:

You don’t have to post every 2 minutes to be relevant. I’ve done the Camino the same as you and am doing the Portuguese Camino next year. I don’t need to make it a commercial venture to get the true experience. You my friend are a real phony. Shut up and let people find their own way.

Jennifer suggested that maybe he’s a dwarf.

🙂

I don’ think I’m a phony – I hope I’m not – and I don’t think I’m trying to commercialise any experience by conducting a Camino Tour. My wife and I are paying for Sister Clare to attend the tour, and we are meeting all her costs, including her airfares to and from Canada, out of our own pocket.

And so many of you have been incredibly generous in providing her with clothing and gear for the tour. That wouldn’t have happened without this blog.

Peter said he walked the Camino this year. And he says he’s going to walk the Portuguese Camino next year. I hope I get to meet him. It seems that I’ve provoked him to anger, for some reason.

If I do meet him, I would say to him –

I’m sorry
I love you
Please forgive me
Thank you

Maybe he’s right though. Maybe I have run out of relevancy. Tomorrow this blog will hit 100,000 page views. It’s been six months. Maybe at this milestone it’s a good time to step back, stop blogging, segue across to the forum for a while where you all can start threads on issues that are meaningful to you.

It seems odd that this abusive post by Peter has come literally on the eve of the 100,000 mark.

It’s late here now in Australia. I’m going to bed to think on it. And see what my PGS tells me.

Thank you Peter…

55 thoughts on “An abusive post…”

  1. The way I see it is that if I don’t like what I’m watching on TV I change the channel. Same with posts, blogs, etc. Peter seems to have gotten uptight about something, but whose problem is that? Why stop posting if you have followers who enjoy what you write? I’d say, keep posting. BTW, my wife and son went yesterday to see Gravity in 3D. I’m glad I read your post prior to seeing the movie. I paid particular attention to the long camera sequences as the story developed. We really enjoyed it and your post made me focus on the amazing camera work. Thx and as you guys say, cheers mate.

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    • Wasn’t that an amazing opening shot? I’d read about it beforehand as well, so I was looking out for it – but it was so seamless you wouldn’t realise it was one shot without a cut!

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  2. Hey Bill, Peter can always simply press the delete button. Living in a democracy means that we have choice. At 100,000 views, you must be doing something right, and giving good food for thought for a great many people (all who have the choice to either read or delete). Please do not feel you have to justify your actions because of 1! Maggie Fanning

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  4. Bill,
    I encourage you to keep up the writing… I continue to be amazed by how much you write and the way you can take different slants on things… You seem to come up with a “topic” every day, sometimes twice a day and the energy you have rubs off. You are a writer. I would like to write more. Not only do I get to see your urge to write, I also get to see the obvious joy you take in writing your ideas down. That’s pretty nice!
    Your work can be provocative… I like that edge. I don’t think you’d have it be any different.
    Also, don’t forget about the Camino’s shadowy parts… There are folks carrying heavier loads… But they are their loads… Not your load. Feel free! Keep writing the blog.
    Myself… I liked the dwarf story… The dwarves got paid for it… It was just shtick!
    On you go lad!
    Peter McGlamery

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  6. Hi Bill, am trying to review your book on iBooks, but not having much luck getting the review on line. Can you give me your email address please. Thanks, Peter (forget the other Peter, trust your PGS and “let go the rope” on this one)

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    • Bill it is your blog, no one is forced to read it. No need to apologize for anything. This is what you do, write. The topics you have thrown out there for discussion have always been relevant, and have prompted great discussion. Even this critical comment is a good thing, promotes thought.
      You will know when it is time to change anything.
      In the meantime thank you for your work.
      Debra

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      • Debra – the sweetest thing you could say is “thank you for your work,” because writing is work. It takes time, thought and effort. So thank you for acknowledging that. Bill

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  7. That’s right Bill, it is your blog and don’t let one person spoil it for all the rest of us that tune in for every post. We have become a family and I would really miss it if I couldn’t read your posts everyday and comment back and forth with you and all the other “followers” (that sounds a little scary and cult like lol)

    And as Debra said you will know when it’s time to stop, your PGS will let you know

    Love and Light,
    Emily

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  8. Bill
    Before I left for the Camino I would check often to see if you had posted. Love your writing. I am now sitting around Malaga in the sun after the Camino and reading your book. Will write a glowing review when done. Need to catch up on your posts but have been laying on the beach or walking. Please don’t stop writing. It’s the highlight of our day quite often.
    Lynda

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    • Lynda – your comment here is very very kind – thank you.

      Hope you and Dale are now having a good time at the coast. Seems like you hit the jackpot with that hostel you stayed at. And the food there sounds amazing.

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  9. Bill.
    I agree, please don’t stop writing!!! And please don’t stop the guest blogger feature either. Don’t let the trolls win. i think I’ve mentioned my brother is a tech writer. And his blog has had people bashing him all the time for years. My reaction of course is that of the big sister – I want to reach out and give those idiots a piece of my mind but jerks are going to be jerks.

    Susan

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    • Susan – you’re right – one of the good things about this blog, I think, is when I hand it over to someone else to do a guest blog. Sister Clare’s latest guest blog for instance was incredibly moving.

      thank you for expressing your support so strongly!!

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  10. Bill, each person has his or her crosses to bear. Each has an opinion and the right to express it. Luckily we are not all clones who think the same, but we respect each others’ right to hold and share an opinion. Some cope better than others with this.
    Let this one go through and invest your energy in writing thought provoking blogs, just as you have been successfully doing since preparing for your Camino.
    Anne 🐌

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  11. I posted a comment on this post from my phone (for the first time) – did I do something wrong or has it been deleted? (Personally, I don’t think it was delete-worthy, but I thought I should ask before writing it up again)

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      • OK, here goes again.
        I agree fully that people have the option to not read (you already have worked out that I’m an infrequent reader/commenter)
        I’d like to ask you Bill, what does it say when you delete someone’s comment (even if you do re-post it). I can think of a number of reasons why this might be, but I’d like to know YOURS.
        Kind regards
        (BTW I’m heading out, so will not get back to this until this evening!)

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        • Hi Rachael –

          I have to say that in all the 8,000+ comments I’ve had on this blog, that is the first and only time I’ve trashed a comment.

          It upset me, quite frankly. It upset me a lot. And so I deleted it.

          And then I thought about it, and thought there were lessons to be learnt from it, and from my initial reaction.

          And so then I wrote that post – fully considered, with his comment included in its entirety – and I slept on it, and allowed my PGS to guide me.

          That’s the process I went through

          Bill

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  12. Dear Bill and PGS ‘family’ generally. Like they say in cricket parley, let that one go to the keeper. It’s upsetting to think that you’d even let you get upset because of one person’s one unpleasant comment out of all the comments that have flowed through this blog; and please, like the rest, I hope this won’t stop you posting your ever thought-provoking, funny, thought-through blogs. I can understand if you need to ease back because this takes up so much of your time, but hope it won’t happen because some anonymous pilgrim can’t keep his unhappy thoughts to himself. Forgive if you have to and then forget 🙂

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      • Bill
        You possibly didn’t do anything. It may be that seven or eight or ten posts a week is too much for him to keep up with (I know it was for me and so I un-feedly-ed this blog and then just pop in every so often). If that’s the case, then he could just not read. But regardless, that may be enough to irritate him – and then he may be thinking hat because you post so frequently you’re setting yourself up as a know-it-all. If I were you (and clearly I’m not), I would have left the comment (in order to not look like the official blog censorship arm) and let it generate the same discussion as has happened (minus my contribution) But I understand from your comment above that it was a bit of a knee-jerk reaction this time – you didn’t like it, so you blocked it.
        In another 7,999 comments’ time, when the next anti-Bill rears its ugly head, could I encourage you to leave it? It’s part of the discussion. Community is not about always agreeing with everything everyone else says.
        (Side story: I have a facebook page for the fundraising walk we’re doing next year….an acquaintance basically suggested we’re phony coz we’d do it anyway and it’s a nice holiday……I requested permission to quote her, did so and replied. My inbox was filled with private messages about how fantastic it was that I answered her with such clarity and grace and was not judgmental of her or defensive about myself. This, I think, turned out to be a very powerful approach…….here’s the link to the blogpost where I quoted and answered in case you’re interested: http://blogs.bootsnall.com/kiwifamily/quote.html And here’s the FB page if you want to see the discussion that grew from that – https://www.facebook.com/1000kmwalkforwater You might find some ideas for your own blog;-)) The private messages that came directly to me, I will keep as private. Same lady provided impetus for other posts too – someone described her tone as “essentially unhelpful”, but all the same I felt it important to engage with her in a positive way, and it has been really beneficial.)
        Think I’ve said enough now!

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        • Hi Rachael –

          that’s why I decided to do a separate post on the comment.

          If I’d simply left it and ignored it, it might have been overlooked as a comment in amongst everything else. I felt it needed some prominence and was worth discussing.

          Also, i didn’t want to duck and hide. I wanted to face this head on.

          As I said, this is the first and only time I’ve done that – deleted a comment – and yes, it was a knee-jerk thing; but then I rectified that by giving it it’s own special post.

          Also, sorry if I post too much. I post when I have something to say…

          I’ll read your FB interchange – it will be interesting

          Bill

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          • Bill, speak when you have something to say. I’m not complaining – I’m a big girl and can monitor my involvement;-)

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          • Just to add Rachael –

            I don’t expect anyone to be interested in what I have to say. Who am I? If anyone’s interested, then that’s terrific. But a blog, by definition, is my point of view.

            It’s my blog.

            I don’t have to do what you tell me, or what this Peter guy tells me, or what anyone tells me.

            As you say, you are perfectly entitled not to read. I’m not forcing you to.

            But equally, if I don’t like a comment on the blog, then I have every right to delete it if I want to. It’s my blog, and if someone attacks me personally on my blog, as this guy did, then I’m absolutely within my rights to delete it I want to. And I don’t have to answer to anyone if I choose to do that. I don’t need to adhere to your or anyone’s preconceived view of what this blog should or shouldn’t be.

            Now, the fact is that I haven’t deleted a comment before, and in this instance I deleted it then I featured it in its own post. That was my call. Equally though, I could have kept it deleted and simply not discussed it.

            That said, there are people who trust this blog, and who feel comfortable here, and who wish to use it to express their feelings and opinions – some very personal, some at times quite intimate. I’ve worked hard to foster that level of trust within this blog. This is what I care about – the people who trust this blog. I care about providing a safe environment for them.

            It’s very easy to rip something down. It takes effort and a long time to create something worthwhile, and keep it alive. And I believe this blog is worthwhile.

            Bill

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          • That’s funny Bill – I nearly added “and you don’t need me to tell you to write or not” but I thought it was a bit abrasive so I deleted it – had to smile though when you expressed my thoughts exactly. I get where you’re coming from – this being your blog and all. I guess I was thinking of it more as an egalitarian community developing, and in that context (rightly or wrongly) anticipated that anyone would be able to contribute. I see now that you are more than facilitator – and that’s fine – no-one is being forced to “follow” you. As you know, the community is still in in its infancy, and it’s really helpful to understand where people stand, what kind of role they play. Helps me understand you more too.
            Thanks for engaging.

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          • Hi Rachael –

            not sure how to take that.

            The forum is the place for egalitarianism – and I’ve encouraged people to go there and post their own stuff and begin discussions.

            But no one wants to do that. It seems like they want me to post on the blog, and then that provides an opportunity for discussion then to follow – and often it meanders away from the content of the original post. Which is great. As I say, I love that. Sitting back and seeing the flow and interchange of ideas and opinions. And seeing various people express themselves, and reveal more of themselves.

            I’m quite happy to walk away from this blog. I have been for some time. But there are still things I have to say – and as I’ve said before, I feel a responsibility for the people here.

            I love ’em. And if I closed up shop I’d miss ’em.

            But this blog is by no means the only thing I have going in my life, believe me. And that’s good, because it means that when I do post, I do so because I want to, not because I NEED to.

            You Rachael, get more out of me than most people!!

            🙂

            Bill

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          • Y’know Bill, I have no idea WHY you would walk away from the blog (other than perhaps being too busy, but even then I would encourage you to consider less frequent posting rather than taking an all or nothing approach – you have valuable thoughts to contribute, you are good at starting discussion, you engage faithfully)…….in an effort to avoid ambiguity, let me rephrase what I was getting at…I guess basically I was saying that I see you as/you are acting as (not sure if the two are different things or not) “The Boss” of the forum, as opposed to a member with equal status as everyone else. As I say, that’s OK if that’s what you want – it’s just different to what I thought was developing, but that’s my mistake.
            Got to go and feed the hungry hordes now, so no more from me for a while!

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          • Hi Rachael –

            by the way, congrats to your countrymen for taking out the Rugby Championships. That was an amazing game with the Springboks. I’m just thankful Australia didn’t get the wooden spoon

            Anyway, you may not read this this evening your time, however –

            You talk about “The Boss of the forum” If it were a forum, as I’ve set up separately, then yes there is no boss within that environment. And as I say, I’ve encouraged people to sashay over to the forum I’ve established (at considerable cost, and a great deal of time on my part and others) and start their own discussions – but there seems to be a reluctance to do so.

            But with the blog – a blog is one person’s point of view. One person’s platform. That’s the nature of a blog, and that’s where it differs from a forum.

            Within a forum, there is no particular point of view. Anyone can post a new topic, and start a discussion going. With a blog, I am the only one who can start a new topic, via a post – that’s the way a blog is technically structured. So to that extent, yes I’m the guy. I’m the one that kicks things off.

            That said, I also see myself as a “facilitator” in that I will start a discussion, and then sit back and let you all talk amongst yourselves. I enjoy that, and often I don’t feel that there’s any need for me to join in, and certainly no need for me to impose my opinions on others.

            Thank you for saying what you did about me continuing on – whilst I’ve been working as a filmmaker for the last 30+ years, I am still at heart the journalist I was trained to be, (trained at the ABC) and I guess this blog allows me to indulge my subsumed journalistic tendencies!

            Bill

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          • Bill, your blog is more than “worthwhile”. It has become an important part of peoples’ days, and has given this family group a place to come to where we feel respected and envouraged to express ourselves. As moderator you have every right to delete or publish any comment as you see fit and appropriate to the tone of this, your blog. I appreciate the way you choose to handle those choices -and I don’t think you need to justify your decisions to those who conduct the ir own blogs differently. The flavour of “you ” in this blog is what makes it appealing and successful. Don’t change any of that unless your pgs suggests it might be a good idea.

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          • Thank you for saying this Sister, and welcome back to the blog!

            I’ve missed you, as I’m sure many others here have too.

            Have you finished your retreat? Are you still in NY?

            Bill

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  13. Hi Bill –
    Peter is way off-course here. If he only stopped to think of the massive investment of your time that you’ve devoted to this blog and forum, amongst all your other commitments – both business and personal – he would not call you a phony.
    Your blog is educational and inspirational, thought-provoking, and at times the biggest belly-laugh!
    Cheers – Jenny

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    • Thanks Jenny – yes it does chew up a fair bit of time, I’ve got to admit!!

      But i think maybe you belly laugh in the same way you’d laugh at someone slipping on a banana skin!!

      🙂

      Bill

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  14. Bill, I would rank that post with “undisclosed government source” in the newspaper. He might have signed it but that he still remains anonymous is no doubt. If he did not give you a chance to reply directly, he warrants no consideration. The blog is yours ad he can either tune in or out. He is a coward. You are doing a great job and a great service.

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  15. Congratulations accepted gratefully! I’m not a rugger girl, but even I watched that game and could see it was a goodie.
    Apologies for wrong word used. I said “forum” meaning in the sense of “place of assembly for the people to discuss matters of shared interest”, not in the sense of forum VS blog. As a linguistics major, I ought to have been more sensitive to the nuances and possible ambiguity.
    I understand about your forum, and have to admit to not joining – for me, clocking in here occasionally is what I can manage. I guess I felt the community was (and I still believe it was/is) growing in depth and breadth, here on the blog; I did not think of it as “your space”. Sorry for that oversight – I’m sure you’ll understand it was a simple case of wrong assumptions.

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    • hi rachael –

      I wouldn’t call it “my space,” but a blog is a blog.

      I would call it “our space.” But it can’t be rudderless, otherwise it wouldn’t work. It wouldn’t go anywhere. It would be directionless.

      I helm it – that’s all. Just like as a director, I helm a movie. But I work with hundreds of very talented people to make the movie happen.

      It’s the same thing.

      Bill

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  16. Hi Bill, comment number 45 on one post – might be a record!!!!
    I get “our space”. I get “giving direction”. My husband and I started an intergenerational group of people who meet on a monthly basis. We wanted everyone to contribute to the group, for us to NOT be the leaders, but after a few years of struggling to realise that part of our vision, we came to the conclusion, that apart from a small handful of others in the group, everyone else was happy to follow – they liked being told what to do. They had different contributions to make and so my hubby and I ended up taking the role of leaders and now everyone is happy! Recently we had a disagreement in the group – I just can’t imagine shutting down the party we were at odds with, deleting their comment as it were. But I guess as a film director, you’re used to making “cuts”!!!! To me, I suppose censorship is different to giving direction and leading.
    I rather suspect we’re going to end up agreeing to disagree on this one – in your mind, your justifications for the behaviour make perfect sense (and I feel I can’t help you to see it from any other perspective),….to me you shut down what you didn’t like and it makes me feel like I’d need to tow the party line in order to stay here. Can you see that?

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    • Rachael –

      if you abuse me, and personally attack me, I wouldn’t delete you.

      Because I know you.

      I didn’t know this guy. It’s the first time he ever posted.

      But let me reiterate:

      > I deleted his comment because it initially upset me.

      > A short time later I reinstated his comment in a separate blog, to discuss it.

      > Out of 8,059 comments as of that time, that’s the first time I’ve ever deleted a comment.

      > I would never delete a comment from someone I knew.

      > If someone comes onto my blog, a stranger, and abuses me, I have the right to delete that post, if I want to.

      If you regard that as “towing the party line” or a form of censorship, then that’s your interpretation.

      You’ve got mine, clearly and unambiguously.

      Bill

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      • Guess what! That makes it different. What does? The fact that you wouldn’t delete “established community members’ comments” even if you didn’t like what they said. Of course, I am not going to abuse you, and I make every effort to not be rude, even though I know sometimes my *content* is not agreeable to you. But I think you knew that anyway.
        Good discussion. Good resolution.
        (I still would not have published what Jennifer said about him, because to me it feels divisive – but maybe that’s the difference between us kiwis and you Ozzies!)

        Now I’ve got to sort out educational materials to purchase for my kids for next year – because of our eleven weeks away, we are going to start our “school year” in the second week of January so I need to allow time for books to reach us from overseas.

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  17. Hi Bill,

    Just now getting to catch up with you all as Steve and I are driving up north for a week and he is behind the wheel. I have been reading your book to him when he is driving and vice versa.

    I was personally moved by this blog because for the first time in over 10 years I had someone attack me on my FB page in reference to a photo of me at a Disco Damce for the AIDS assistance fund raiser. I was wearing of all things a disco outfit and this person, whom I don’t know blasted me saying he was sick of seeing me in “my stupid outfits” with gay men… Ending with he thought when I moved from Santa Fe that I would have changed my ways and would stop wearing these stupid outfits (2nd time) and dancing with gay men!”

    At first I thought if was some type of joke then realized that it was not. I don’t have a clue who he is and privately messages him to ask him why he was picking on me and essentially told him to get a life and stop judging me and mine!!

    I blocked him from my FB account but not soon enough for him to write me two more nasty messages. It creeped me out as he is in his mid to late sixties, obviously knew me from Santa Fe, NM (had he been stalking me there??) had moved to Washington state but continued to follow my life??

    What is it with people? Why does someone think we want to know their opinion about my life? Or yours for that matter? Hostility and judgement provide what benefit? And like you it really bothered me. I was torn between deleting and also took the night to think about it but I guess the good news about FB is when you block someone there comments disappear from your page or else God intervened because the next day his comment was gone.

    The funny part is at least one FB connection saw it because I ran into this couple the next day at another benefit and they said, “we didn’t know that you used to live in Santa Fe?” And we proceeded to find out that they used to shop in my store, back in the day!” Silver lining, in action!!

    Lastly, I was raised with the old saying,” If you don’t have anything nice to say….,” and I guess I naively wanted to believe other did too. Not to say that if I had asked for feedback and received something negative that I would still feel good about it but instead could uncomfortably see if it fit.

    Off to booking.com to try to find us a hotel in the Napa area! Here’s to some Califirnia Vino Tinto!!

    Xoxo

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    • Hmmm – that’s disturbing Jill.

      Why would someone write that about you on your FB page? Is their life so devoid of meaning that they have to stalk you on the internet?

      That’s the same feeling I got with this guy Peter – why bother to even write that stuff about me?

      What did I do to antagonise him? Obviously something.

      But it made me laugh – because he’s obviously learnt NOTHING from his Camino pilgrimage – if it WAS a pilgrimage for him.

      And he said he was going to walk the Portuguese Camino next year too!

      If he has so much anger and bitterness, I think he should do multiple pilgrimages each year!

      I hope you and Steve are having a great time together. Say hello to the llama for me will you?

      Drive safe. Bill

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      • Hello from the llama!!

        Again, I have to say I really do know how to spell its just this darn iPhone oh and of course my eyesight! As you say, this chap may need multiple pilgrimages to see the light but maybe this is the improved version!! Maybe he was more distressed before he walked the first time! Good news tons of room for improvement. You know we love you and the blog, the book, the forum and coming to a theater near us soon, your PGS movie!!

        Xoxo

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