Do some people walk the Camino to “hook up?”

Kathy Foote in her most recent blog wrote about a couple who were forced to share a double room one night – she titled her post Sleeping with Strangers. The couple had a great night together (the walls were very thin, Kathy wrote), and they ended up walking the rest of the Camino together.

Consequences of Sharing a Room with a Stranger – Day 22 – Carrion de los Condes to Terradillos

I wrote a blog titled Sex on the Camino where I argued that the energy of the Camino worked to create a strangely chaste environment.

Day 30+ Sex on the Camino

The two blog posts are not contradictory. I was aware of several hook-ups during my pilgrimage, and I wasn’t even really plugged in to the social interactions around me, because I was walking my own walk. So there could well have been many more.

Certainly the Camino throws people together, as in the case that Kathy cited, and often the shared experience of hardship and exhilaration quickly forges bonds. Relationships form, and sometimes they last well beyond the Camino.

As well, many people walking the Camino are single, they’re unattached or between relationships, some are emotionally vulnerable and are seeking companionship.

Some too are quite deliberately on the hunt for a partner, or a short term relationship. You can see them at work. It ain’t pretty.

But do people decide to walk the Camino to look for a hook-up? (A hook-up implies a quick transitory relationship.) And do some so-called pilgrims regard the Camino like a Mediterranean cruise ship, or a holiday to Cancun?

Cheap beer, and hey, we’re all in this together. Why not have some fun? 

You are at your least attractive on the Camino, let’s face it. But that’s not necessarily a disincentive to hooking-up. Ship-wreck survivors on a desert island are unattractive too. But ship-wreck survivors have been known to co-mingle.

I believe that the spiritual energy on the Camino is conducive to bringing people together who are meant to be together.

But as it becomes more popular, as more and more people walk the Camino, is it fast becoming an 800km pickup joint?

I thought I might post another little teaser for the upcoming book.

This describes an incident in a coffee shop in Leon – where I bumped into a bloke named Mike whom I’d met previously on the Meseta.

Mike was intending to go to Poland after he’d finished the Camino, because over dinner one night I’d happened to mention to him that my wife and I had recently visited Poland. He asked if the girls there were pretty and I told him that yes, in fact they were very beautiful.

Mike was interested in girls, you see.

So on hearing this, he immediately ditched his plans to walk to Muxia and decided to go to Poland instead. This excerpt below describes my walking into the Leon coffee shop and seeing Mike –

I looked around, and there was Mike sitting at a table with a bunch of his buddies. He got up and walked over. Shook my hand.

Dude, the chicks in Leon are unreal, he said. Jeeez.. Wish I was staying here longer. But Poland calls, man. Poland totally calls.

He punched me on the shoulder, playfully, then returned to his table. I wasn’t sure where Santiago fitted into his plans. It must have been merely a stop along the way between the chicks in Leon and the chicks in Poland.

I then heard him say to the table – See that guy over there? He makes movies. And guess what the name of his company is? BJ Films!

The table erupted into laughter, and the rest of the coffee shop turned and stared at me.

Previously, I’d told Mike that my production company was called BJ Films. B for Bill, J for Jennifer. Jennifer is my partner in the company. This reduced Mike to fits of near hysterical laughter. For you see, Mike lives in the porn capital of the world – the San Fernando Valley in California – and around his parts, BJ doesn’t stand for Bill andJennifer. It stands for something else.

When Mike told me this, it all made sense.

When I first established the name of the company, I tried to secure the domain name of bjfilms.com, but it wasn’t available. It turned out that bjfilms.com was registered to a film company in… of all places… the San Fernando Valley.

At the time, I thought that was a very odd coincidence – that there’d be a Bill and Jennifer making movies over there. I mused that perhaps it was Brad and Janet, or maybe Bobby and Jules – surely it couldn’t be Bill and Jennifer. But thanks to Mike, I now knew differently…

During the time that Mike and I walked together, he tried to convince me that I should make porn on the side. When I expressed my reluctance, telling him that it might not be consistent with my previous body of work, he told me that even Steven Spielberg was doing it. His porn was with aliens.

After I finished the Camino, I returned home and on opening some credit card statements, I did for a moment wonder if I should take Mike’s career advice and move into producing films more befitting the name of our company. I’d make a lot more money – but I finally discounted it, thinking that it wasn’t really consistent with being a pilgrim. 

I’m posting this as a separate blog. Some of you might have already seen it as a posted comment, but I give it separate prominence because it’s worth considering what’s underneath this story.

The poster is Libby Pashley. She and her husband Wayne are very dear friends. What prompted Libby to write this post was my stating that if I found €1,000, I would give it randomly to someone in the street, someone I intuited needed the money.

For me, where I find Libby’s story powerful is in the transference of energy –  the energy that stems from a random and spontaneous act of generosity. As Libby explains, that energy has been handed on like a torch in a relay.

Of course, the negative aspects of this happen all too frequently too – like the damaging energy associated with physical, sexual, or emotional abuse. That energy can repeatedly manifest generation to generation.

But in the story that Libby so beautifully tells, it’s the energy of kindness and generosity that’s handed on. Some people say violence begets violence. I say kindness begets kindness.

Dear Bill,

I love your idea of arbitrarily giving the money to someone you felt needed it.

I was on the receiving end of a similar bout of generosity once, many years ago, and have never forgotten that random act of kindness, and think often of it all this time later.

When I was a young thing, around 25 years ago now, I was in London doing that thing that many young Australians do, spending 18 months or so back packing my way around the world. I spent a lot of time with London as my base, and I used to love to see as many west end shows as I could afford – which being a backpacker wasn’t many.

One time, a friend and I were waiting in the line at the returns ticket counter in the hopes of scoring a discounted ticket for a performance of the musical Carousel, which was due to begin in the next hour or so.

There were maybe a dozen or so people waiting patiently in the hopes that some last minute tickets would become available, when we were approached by a man in his fifties asking us if we were interested in two tickets to that nights performance.

We immediately assumed that he was wishing to circumvent the trouble of returning the tickets to the box office and was wanting to do a direct, covert deal with us. We replied that, yes, that would be great, as we were not at the front of the queue, and time was ticking away. When we pulled out our wallets to pay for the tickets, he waived the money away, and said no, the tickets were a gift.

Upon seeing our suddenly suspicious glances at each other, he beckoned his wife over to join us, and explained that the friends they had been expecting to join them had at the last minute pulled out of the evening, and now they had these two tickets available and would be pleased if we would take them.

Despite our repeated protestations that we were more than willing to pay for the tickets (bearing in mind that the cost for us would have been several days worth of food), he refused, handed over the tickets, and wished us a happy evening.

Of course being numbered theatre tickets meant we were soon reunited with him and his wife as we were seated right to next to them for the performance. At interval, the four of us exited into the foyer together where he and his wife not only returned from the bar with a glass of wine for each of us, but also with a copy of both the programme and soundtrack album – an unheard of extravagance for us.

Overcome with gratitude, I asked him why he was being so kind to a couple of young girls, complete strangers to him.

He told us that when he was young and traveling around Europe many years before, he had been hitchhiking in the cold and rain, when he had been picked up by a man who turned out to be a retired Navy admiral, who not only offered him a lift to his next destination, but insisted on taking him back to his extravagant home, making him a home cooked dinner, giving him a warm and comfortable bed, before driving him to the station the next morning and giving him the train fare to his next destination.

He had never forgotten this mans kindness and generosity at a time when he really needed it, and had been waiting 25 years to “pay it forward” to someone else. He said that when he saw my friend and I in the line that night, obviously travelers of some sort, he saw the opportunity to pass that kindness on, and make a difference in someone’s life.

Well, as I say, 25 odd years later, I think of that man often, and how his kindness and generosity to a couple of strangers impacted me in such a simple way. I probably think more often of that man than I do of the girl I was traveling with at the time.

I’m awaiting my own opportunity to pay it forward, and I’m hoping my own PGS will guide me when the time is right.

You really never know the impact your actions have on others – in a very real way I owe a debt of gratitude to that retired Navy admiral who was once kind to stranger on the other side of the world, 50 years ago.

Libby.

I have just posted this on the forum – I’ll discuss it with you over there…

Please join up and join me…

http://www.pgsthewayforum.com/forum

A foolish man and a pretty young girl…

I met this beautiful young girl on my walk –

She was Italian, and she was dressed all in white. Flowing diaphanous white scarfs and robes. She had dark skin and dark hair and flashing eyes. When she smiled, you reached for your shades. It was dazzling. She was dazzling.

Thing about this girl – she wasn’t wearing a backpack. She didn’t even have a daypack.

I got talking to her, as you do, and she told me she was having a problem with one of her legs. It was sore. And a man had come along and offered to carry her backpack for her. He had his own backpack, but he carried hers as well for about 10kms along a tough and difficult section of the track.

I thought this was a very chivalrous thing for this man to do. Later I met up with him. He was mid 40s I guessed, and had gone ahead of her and was sitting by the side of the road, the two backpacks on the ground beside him. Both were large, and both looked heavy.

He looked exhausted from carrying the two packs. He asked me if I’d seen the girl. I had seen her. She’d gone ahead of me, her leg apparently not that sore, then met up with a very handsome young Canadian boy. The last I saw of them, they were canoodling in a field by a creek.

I didn’t wish to tell this man what I’d seen. I got the feeling his offering to carry her backpack had not only been an act of chivalry, but also an expression of romantic intent. Certainly the girl was in no hurry to leave her Canadian beau and reclaim her backpack.

I walked on, wondering how long he would wait for her. Or whether he’d carry those two backpacks back along the trail, and discover the Italian white vision in a clutch with her new Camino buddy… if so, how would the man react?

Was he an old fool? Had the girl artfully manipulated him?

I’ll never know – one of the great mysteries of the Camino.

What do you think?

Bill

Some of you have asked what I would do if I found €1,000 on the Camino.

To recap, here are the circumstances: It’s a bundle of cash – found by the side of the trail, as if it had fallen out of a pocket. Or perhaps at a wayside rest stop – on the ground beside a table and bench, maybe. €1,000 in cash. It’s nearly lunch, and I’m just outside a town or village –

Okay, so that’s the scenario. What would I do?

Firstly I’d photograph the cash, in situ. I’d photograph where it was on the ground, in relation to other features around – such as, was it beside or underneath a picnic table, or by a creek or near a bridge? In other words, I’d photograph it forensically, like a crime scene.

Most importantly, I’d determine if the cash was in clear line of sight of anyone walking along that trail. In other words, was I likely to have been the first person to find that cash? Or was it hidden from view?

If it was hidden, then it could have been lying there for days, maybe weeks. If it was clearly visible to any pilgrim walking along that trail, then that would tell me it had probably been dropped only recently – and perhaps the person who dropped it was not far up ahead of me.

Then I’d examine the cash. Was it folded in half? Or rolled up? Was the wad held together with a rubber band, or any kind of note pin? And what denomination were the bills? €100? Or all €50 bills, or a combination of smaller notes?

And then I’d carefully count it. Was it €1,000 exactly? Or €1,200? Or €980? Was it 9 x €100, plus 1 x €50 and 2 x €20. If so, then that would tell me if someone had cashed one of the €100 bills and bought something for €10. It would also tell me that the money had been withdrawn recently, because most likely that was the only breakage of the €1,000 stash.

I would then quickly set off to try and catch up to the pilgrims up ahead of me. I would sidle up to them, and casually ask if they’d lost anything. I wouldn’t mention cash…

Anyone carrying that amount of money would have an immediate and undisguised reaction if they suddenly discovered they’d lost their cash. Straight away I’d be able to read the truthfulness of that response.

And if there were no pilgrims ahead of me, then I’d walk into the town and go from cafe to bar to restaurant, and again ask casually if anyone had lost anything. Again I’d be able to read a true or false response.

If someone did say they’d lost some cash, I’d ask how much. Most of us don’t know exactly how much money we’re carrying at any point in time, but if someone said they’d lost €50, then I’d know they weren’t the right person. If someone said they’d lost €1,000, and in fact it was €980, then I’d ask further questions.

If I’d found the money at a rest spot – at a picnic table for instance, I’d ask if they’d stopped anywhere that morning, and if so where… in other words, I’d try and determine the truth of the claim.

However, if I didn’t find anyone who had a credible claim to the cash, I’d then go to the police. I’d tell them I’d found some money, and I’d give them my email and mobile phone number and ask that if a person came forward to report the missing cash, then they were to contact me.

I wouldn’t leave the money with the police.

I would then do the same thing with the albergues in town, and I’d probably walk on further that afternoon, and do the same thing in the next town.

I would hold onto the money, and put it away in a safe place, and wait for someone to contact me. If I had not been contacted by the time I got to Santiago, or after several weeks if I’d found the money early in my walk, then I would give the money away.

I wouldn’t give it to a church, or a monastery.

I would arbitrarily choose someone at random, someone my PGS told me needed the money – someone in the street, or in a church, or sitting at a bus stop. I would walk up to them, simply give them the cash, and walk away.

Bill

What if you found €1,000 while you were walking the Camino…

What would you do?

Let’s say you found it – a bundle of cash – by the side of the trail. As if someone had pulled something out of their pocket, and the money had fallen out. Or at a wayside stop – on the ground beside a table and bench. €1,000 in cash.

What would you do?

Let’s say it’s nearly lunch, you’re just outside a town or village –

• would you go to the police and hand it over?
• would you search out some of the popular pilgrim lunch spots and ask if anyone had lost some cash?
• would you go to the albergues and notify the hospitaleros?
• or would you keep it, believing that the Camino “provides,” and had just provided you very handsomely?

If you did keep the wad of cash, would you feel elated? Or guilty? Would you consider that the Camino had slyly tested you, challenged your moral core, and you’d failed?

In other words, how would you feel? 

And if you did keep the cash, what would you do with it? Would you put it away some place safe, in case you found the person who’d lost it?

Or would you immediately spend it? And if so, what would you spend it on? A slap-up dinner, to celebrate? And while celebrating, would you ever consider that your fortune was someone else’s misfortune?

I am staggered at how many people have done, are doing, or will do the Camino because of the movie, The Way.

From a craft perspective, it's not a great film.

From a box office perspective, it was a complete flop. It's opening weekend in the US was $110,000. That's embarrassing.

It's total world wide box office to date is $4.4m. That's a dud. That kind of box office ends careers.

Yet it's Rotten Tomatoes score – an industry guide now to how a film is received by critics and audiences – is spectacular.

82% of critics liked it, and 83% of audiences liked it.

Those kind of numbers save careers. And interestingly, the critics and audience numbers are almost identical. That's rare.

But culturally, the film has had a huge impact.

Huge.

I cannot count how many people I've spoken to who have told me that they decided to walk the Camino after seeing that film. And not only Americans – but people from all over the world.

Cinema can have a powerfully beneficial impact on society, as this film has had, and continues to have.

But I'm curious to hear from you guys – what was it about The Way, after seeing it, that made you want to walk the Camino?

It’s nearly 3 months now since I finished my Camino, and I feel confident I can now list some permanent changes as a result of the walk.

I will restrict this list to those “outward” changes that are most obvious, not the inner recalibrations and reshufflings that have occurred as a result of the walk, and are more significant than this following list.

But this list of “little things” indicates greater and deeper change underneath.

1. I don’t wear glasses anymore – I wore gasses for fifteen years before the Camino.
2. I don’t do Facebook anymore. – I used to be all over it, every day. I have no interest in, or tolerance for, small talk since coming back.
3. I don’t buy things anymore, unless I really need them.
4. I don’t worry as much. Not much bothers me anymore. I’m calmer.
5. I am slowly and steadily getting rid of things I don’t need.
6. I don’t collect plastic bags anymore. I used to never throw out a plastic bag, in case I needed it. That habit is now gone.
7. I don’t shoot with my big professional camera anymore. And I’m thinking of getting rid of it, and replacing it with a small mirrorless system.
8. I don’t turn on the house alarm at night. I used to do this as a matter of course.
9. I don’t watch or listen to the news obsessively, as I used to.
10. I cook more.
11. I drink more water.
12. I’ve become frugal.
13. I don’t shave daily anymore.
14. I don’t walk anymore. My knee’s buggered.
15. I’m writing a blog daily, and have created a forum.
16. I’m writing a book.
17. I liaise with a nun.

Who’d have thought that a “simple” walk could initiate such change – and I haven’t even begun to talk about the deeper stuff…

The Camino made me laugh.

There was a stage, during my walk, when it occurred to me that during the past couple of weeks, I hadn't laughed so much in years – since I was in my youth, probably.

And I realised that my face had changed. Physically. It was like the Camino had cracked a mask that had been formed by decades of life's vicissitudes.

Struggle, disappointment, conflict, resistance, anger, determination – all these things had etched their way into my face.

The Camino changed that.

I found myself laughing spontaneously – often over the littlest things. I found myself smiling while I was walking. I found myself greeting strangers with genuine warmth.

I discovered I was happy.

That to me is one of the Camino's most powerful restorative tools. The ability to make you laugh. To make you happy.

Please post here below any incident or situation that happened on the Camino, or in your preparation, that made you laugh…