One long fezzle, from beginnin’ to end!

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in remembrance of peter ๐Ÿ™‚ I am reblogging his last blog –

Uncle Pete's Camino Adventure

The Long Fezzle

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My wife Clara died five oโ€™clock this mornin'. It took me half the day to fix a box for her. I run out of nails twice, bruised my thumb with a hammer, and split three covers before I got the fourth one nailed down tight. I pulled my back liftin' Clara to the wagon, and the halter broke as we come out of the barn, so we had to drive into town with Bessie pullin' crooked.

Down the last hill, we got out of control, like, and Clara just slid off the back and shot straight through the post office window. I ran into the post office to see that no one was hurt, and found Tut Tuttle, the postman, peering at me through the stamp window.

โ€œLucky I had the gratin' down,โ€ he said.

โ€œSure was,โ€ I replied.

โ€œDid you pass the preacher and theโ€ฆ

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52 thoughts on “One long fezzle, from beginnin’ to end!”

    • Hi Julie –

      He posted this morning – in rather a brusque way I have to say – that he was “done” with the blog and wasn’t going to post anymore.

      I’m really not sure what promoted that. I think that I, and others on the blog here too, treated him with enormous respect.

      I’m not sure what provoked his anger.

      Bill

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        • Jennifer says this blog that I do is for me to learn from.

          I learn from Peter, as I learn from Julian, as I learn from Sister Clare, as I learn from Rachael, as I learn from you Steve, as I learn from you all.

          It takes a lot of my time each day, this blog – and has done from the moment I left Saint John Pied de Port.

          But it’s worth it, for the opportunity to learn.

          Bill

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  2. He is one tortured soul, you can feel, almost touch his hurt and anger. I hope the Camino can lighten his load. Ingrid

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    • He’s quite brilliant I think.

      That’s what fascinated me about Peter – the way his mind worked. Or works. I shouldn’t use the past tense. ๐Ÿ™‚ He’s still with us, even though he’s not on the blog.

      Like you Ingrid I hope he finds peace of mind on the Camino.

      Bill

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      • I doubt seriously he will find peace on the Camino. He is totally consumed with anger at all the people that he deems to be less than himself. You just have to wonder why he is walking it though he can not see what he is doing. You can’t get what the Camino is about when shrouded in anger. Just won’t work. It is sad and I only wish him well but glad I am not walking next to him. In fact, I would not be. Who I associate with is within my control. How he acts is not.

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        • Peter walks his Camino just as we all walk ours.

          Each of us has a need to walk, some of us aren’t quite sure what that need is, but invariably the Camino forces us to face it at some stage, whether it’s on the pilgrimage itself, or later. Sometimes much later.

          We all have demons. All of us.

          It appears from his blog that Peter has demons.

          How we deal with those demons defines who we are, and our place in the world.

          Bill

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        • Yes Steve, he would have been one pilgrim I would have avoided. His anger is huge. Steve, I know you are not much for the “woowoo” stuff, but Bill mentioned often enough that what he thought and wished for magnified on his journey. I too, I think projected my dislike of the Meseta and I got the darkness back I send out. Whether one believes in “stuff” going on, Camino generated or not, makes little difference when you are caught in a dark vortex. Peter is caught in his own vortex, whatever it might be. Ingrid

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  3. Bill, the thing about having your brain always on alert and jabbering away at you, can be rather disturbing and exhausting. I sometimes wish we had an off switch, like Data. Just peace and quiet.

    After a while walking, I truly left all that behind, actually once I past Logrono. I had made contact with my family by then and knew everything was ok, and they knew me to be ok and from then on, for a few weeks I was AWOL to everyone. Just I, me, myself and the Camino, just being, not much thinking. Heaven. Ingrid

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    • Dear Ingrid, that is one of the extraordinary benefits of walking the Camino. You can leave a whole lot of “stuff” behind.

      Your time is yours and yours alone.

      I too loved that.

      There are very few times in your adult life when you can do that.

      Bill

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  4. I’ve not been reading Peter’s blog and I don’t know him at all. Would I be too wrong in suggesting we slow down before jumping to conclusions. Bill, your comment above about treating him with respect indicates you think he has taken offense at something and because of that has stopped blogging. But it might be nothing to do with you. It could be something as simple as he was typing on a silly little i-phone keyboard and he’s had enough of that and just wants to enjoy the walk, but wanted to let you know there would be no more posts so you don’t worry about him. And it came across as brusque because his fat fingers have to fight with the tiny keypad so he didn’t write long sentences (if he’s got fat fingers, that is…) I’m just sharing the first explanation for his decision to stop blogging that came into my head – I would feel more comfortable if we were a bit more generous towards him….and if he really is carrying as many demons as some here seem to think he is, then a gentle response to him will work wonders and soothe his weary soul.

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    • Rachel,

      Written with kindness and hope, but before you consider this further, if you have not read his blog posts then you might want to. I have not seen anyone on this blog malign him, other than to make the simple observation that he seems to be tormented. And, there is no question that Peter did in fact direct his anger, or a portion of it, towards Bill. Not only was he very critical and judgmental, but to my mind condescending. I choose not to judge him, but to wish him well and hope he finds what he is looking for on the Camino. But unless he releases the anger, I fear that he may not, but that is not up to me. Also, when he writes 1800 word comments and blogs, it is highly unlikely he is having trouble with fat fingers. He simply needs to be wished well and know that no one here wishes him any malice. That being said, I stand by my comment that I would not want to be walking with him. That is not being judgmental of him, but exercising my right to include or exclude people in or from my life based on how I feel if I am with them. Obviously, I am making observations having never met the man personally, but we all get a pretty good look into the hearts and souls of others who are regular and long standing contributors on this blog. That is one of the great things that Bill has brought about. But thanks for your generosity of heart. What a wonderful quality. Steve

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    • I hope Peter comes back to the blog.

      I always enjoyed his posts.

      As I’ve said, I enjoyed the way he thinks.

      I gave him a guest blog spot to talk about his wood prints. And that was interesting.

      Thanks for your comments here Rachael.

      Bill

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  6. chocolate (but not in ice cream – just the real deal), french vanilla icecream, lemon anything for me

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  8. I read Pete’s entire blog yesterday pm, since I was concerned about what was going on. I was puzzled about the original posting of the ‘One long fezzle…’ on 28 Aug and Bill’s re-posted on 2 Sept and the general discussion of judgmental-ness that followed.

    It looked to me (not knowing Pete) that as far as Estella, he was doing his own camino and enjoying himself. Then on 24 Aug, in Estella, he got sick. Next posting was on 27 Aug. – apparently feeling better – and covered the time he walked from Estella to Los Arcos, and on to Logrono. Sounds to me that he was continuing to enjoy his walking – in spite of meeting a couple of obnoxious men – at least until Logrono, and looking forward – “slow and steady” – to Navarette.

    Even when he posted the long ‘fezzle’ on 28 Aug, and following the excerpt from “Bert and I … The Book”, it sounded – to me – that he was still enjoying his camino, in spite of the ‘Yakkers’, some rude bicyclists, and a couple of other happenings. His responses to comments were mostly positive – just some issues that we all have at times. I wouldn’t have thought that he was finished blogging when I finished reading that posting if I hadn’t read Bill’s reblog and all the resulting comments first. And I still don’t see his intent to stop blogging – even tho’ there have been no more postings – yet. So, I’m wondering – did I missed something, am I naive, or what. Why the ‘in remembrance of peter’?

    The comment by Bill and Pete’s response in Pete’s 28 Aug posting — ‘I can understand you getting angry.’, and ‘I thought about you today, Bill…’ and ‘The massage brought all that anger up…’ I didn’t / don’t see any connection between these last two sentences. It just sounds (to me) like he was explaining one of the effects of massage therapy – that it can bring to a crisis point an illness, anger, fear, etc that is going on with the “massagee”. I have been asked by my massage therapist when I’ve been ill or out of sorts if I really want the massage since it can bring on a “crisis”. ~ Personally, YES! I want to get that illness or out-of-sort-ness over with and OUT of my being! ~ bring on that crisis!

    I’m just thinking that sometimes it’s better to take things at face value, rather than try to imagine what is going on in someone else’s mind. And, personally, it pisses me off when someone else tries to “explain” ME to a third person.

    Just one more comment – I LOVE Patrick’s Comments on Pete’s blog! I have added several of them (including A Guide to Walking Meditation and The Beatitudes of the Pilgrim to my list of Simple Advice for Walking the Camino. Sounds to me like Pete has a lovely support group!!

    “Please do not forget the the journey is the goal. Go gently, Sit, Listen, Taste and Feel. Let the world come to you. Visit and meditate in many churches, chapels and sacred wells. Stop in Bayonne and St. Jean Pied de Port and every place your heart tells you.” Thank you, Patrick McGlamery, for these wonderful, soothing words!

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    • Hi Terry –

      good on you for reading Peter’s blog all the way through.

      He posted on my blog that he was “done” posting on my blog – not on his blog.

      And the “in remembrance” was to say we would miss him off our blog.

      I have since swapped emails with Peter personally, and there is absolutely no rancour between us.

      He is a sweet man.

      Bill

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      • I am so glad to hear this Bill. I have been heart sick since reading all the comments yesterday. When I read his blog and his comment on your blog all I heard was a human being just trying to get along in this world and then several comments were made about him that I thought were unfair.

        We all have bad days and times we take comments from others the wrong way and I feel that that is what happened with Peter. I am sending him lots of Love and Light and Hope for his journey.

        Take care,
        Emily

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        • Emily,
          Maybe i was one who you are thinking of as i said i would not want to walk with Peter. No disrespect to him. The energy i was seeing would drain my energy. You will be pleased to know i follow him and complimented him on an upbeat post today and that i was glad he dropped the negativity. I in no way judge him as i dont know what it is like to be him. Thank you for your open kindness.
          Steve

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          • Oh Steve, it wasn’t just one comment or any in particular, I think that Peter just kind of got jumped on and I don’t think he really meant anything other than he was having a bad day and he took a comment made about him in a different way than it was intended.
            Steve I know that you are a caring person and you like the rest of us are just trying to make your way in this world.
            I think you just had a hard anniversary go by and I am sending you Love and Light as well. Life is wonderful in so many ways but boy can it throw us some nasty curve balls.
            Take care,
            Emily xo

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        • Bless you, Emily, for responding with compassion and genuine care. The world needs a gentler way to deal with hurt,disppointment and lonliness. Reaching out seems to me such a just and simple thing to do.

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  9. Hmm, obviously I skimmed when I should have read your ‘I got upset’ posting. Good discussion on being (or not) judgmental.
    Help me please, are we not being judgmental when we criticize those we consider judgmental? Just curious.

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  10. Terry, you articulated what I was thinking. I too had misunderstood about the no blogging being on THIS blog and not his own (I guess I consider this kind of thing as “commenting” and “blogging” is reserved for writing your own post)
    Anyway, I took advice offered here and went and read his blog. I didn’t find demons and felt that this all was an over-reaction (yes, I confess I’m judging). Somewhere deep inside me I felt he was being maligned in a back-handed way and this still does not sit well with me. I am greatly relieved to hear he and Bill are “on talking terms” and I just wonder if their private conversation even needed to be made public in the first place. I always encourage my kids to consider whether what they are saying is true (and it might be), helpful, encouraging, necessary and kind…..if I were Peter I would not be feeling too encouraged by this comment thread. Maybe it’s the fact that an intensely personal decision and conversation has been made completely public and then dissected by people (like me) who don’t even know the bloke. I dunno.

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    • Hi Rachael –

      Communications via email between myself and anyone on the blog, whether it be Peter or anyone else, remain private unless that person expressly asks for it to go public.

      That is the only way that trust is maintained, and confidentiality is honoured.

      Also, I would like to clear something up – I never said that Peter has demons. I said “we all have demons.” Vastly vastly different.

      I didn’t correct others when they said it, but it seems to have taken hold now so I feel it’s worth setting it straight.

      How would I know if Peter has demons? And even if I did, I wouldn’t publicly state that.

      That said, from his last blog he talked about his “hate-filled brain,” and that to me indicates that he was struggling with internal stuff.

      Go back over my response to his comment about judgement – you will see no criticism of him whatsoever. In fact, here’s what I wrote in conclusion:

      Peter – you’re an extraordinary man, and every time you post on this blog I am in awe of the way your mind works. You see the world from a standpoint that are shared by very few, and you are able to express that in ways that stirs my soul.

      Bill

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