Perhaps it’s an appropriate time to discuss loss.
Amongst the most affecting images I took on my Camino – images that really hit me hard – were the shots I took of the photographs of loved ones left on markers, tucked into wire fences, placed inside roadside shrines, and of course attached to the Cruz de Ferro.
I was reminded that for so many people, the Camino is a pilgrimage walk of bereavement. A time of infinite sadness, seeking solace for the loss of someone dearly loved, sorely missed.
Sometimes these photographs were simply placed on the top of a stone mileage marker, weighed down by a rock, and whenever I saw them I would stop, and look at the face in the photo.
I would wonder who that person was, how had he or she died? And who put the photo there? Was it a son or daughter? Was it a father or mother, or friend or lover?
Sometimes I saw a pilgrim stop by a cross or memorial by the side of the track, and they would pray. I wondered if they too were carrying the heavy loss of a loved one with them.
The Camino is there for each of us, not just for achievement or personal growth, but for solace, and for healing, and for forgiveness.
PGS - The Way 
Bill –
A few days back you asked us to relate what the Camino meant to us. I really didn’t have time to edit a windy draft that came to mind. Thank you for doing the hard work for me as, for my part, you nailed it.
“The Camino is there for each of us, not just for achievement or personal growth, but for solace, and for healing, and for forgiveness.”
Thank you!
B
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Hi Brendan,
thank you.
But I’d still be interested in reading your windy draft!
🙂
Bill
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Hello Bill
I’ve spent the last couple of days sitting a prayer vigil for victims and families of the derailment. I also pray for the city, for the Cathedral, and to St James, who was overlooked this year as a mark of grieving. I have thought a lot about the Camino I want to walk-and one of the things I need to do is say goodbye to my father. I was legally disowned by my family many,many years ago. They felt they had made an investment in me that wasn’t going to be paying off given the direction I had chosen. Two years ago I found out that my dad had died eighteen months before.
No one contacted me. I wasnt able to sit with him those last days, or attend his funeral to say goodbye. It still hurts. So his will be another photo added to that anonymous pile-where I will formally say goodbye and tell him I love him one last time.
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Wow, Sister Clare, just when I think you can’t surprise us anymore, you gracefully peel back another layer of the magic of you, your life and the gifts you have created out of your pain. You are such anincredible role model. I so admire you. I imagine, if I understand who i believe you to be, that you have forgiven your family. In my opinion, it is they who lost when they cut you off and at the same time perhaps by doing so, it allowed you to fully blossom!! You are a true Gem. Here’s to all of those whom we have lost. Xoxo
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There is nothing I can add to Jill’s response to Sister. Thank you Sister for telling us this. You are truly a wonderfully spiritual woman!
This year I will be placing a picture of my husband who’s life ended when he was 46 years old somewhere on the Camino (not sure where yet). I walked for him last year but did not know beforehand about leaving a photo on the Camino.
Arlene
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Arlene, you’ve never mentioned what happened to.your husband to me. Was walking the Camino a dream come true for him? Do you know what happened? I apologise, this is probably very callous of me. If you ever feel like talking about it, Id be interested in hearing his story.
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Sister,
My husband passed away in 1994, September 4th will be his 20th anniversary. He died of complications of asthma, actually of the steroids he was taking to ease his labored breathing.
No the Camino was never a dream of his, I’m doubtful he even knew of this specific pilgrimage. Although he did attend Parochial School all the way through high school so he did know of other pilgrimages. He never expressed interest in taking a Pilgrimage. The Camino was my calling, I had only know of it for a year before I actually walked the Way.
And Sister, no this is not callus of you for asking at all. It was many years ago and my grieving has passed, I know it was God’s will and once I accepted that it became easy for me to accept.
Arlene
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May I ask , what was the cause for you not knowing where to place the photo?
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Sister,
I think you misunderstood me, I did not bring a picture, I had no idea before walking the Camino that people left pictures of their deceased loved ones until I was on Camino and saw all the pictures at different points.
Arlene
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Well, that makes more sense! Sorry, I am super-tired from vigil and not thinking very well!
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Hi there Arlene,
Thank you for sharing the sad loss of your husband. While on our Camino, Steve and I met two friends from LA who were walking together. The mans wife had passed this past Sept and he like Tom in The Way brought her ashes to distribute along “his Way”. I know it was a very special experience for all whom met him. I think the process of knowing where to place your husbands photo will be clear as you turn yourself over to the power and magic of the Camino. Not too much longer now. :-))
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Jill,
I have no doubts that the proper place to leave his picture will appear to me when I arrive there!
Thanks for your thoughts, they are much appreciated.
Arlene
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Sister,
If, by doing what they did, it made you who you are today, then the world is a better place for it.
Bill
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Thankyou Sister, for sharing yet another personal insight. I am sure you will eventually say that formal goodbye to your father. May he rest in peace.
My father was taken by God when I was just 7. I don’t remember much except the day he died. When I walk in 8 weeks time, I will be carrying a small stone from the family property [160 years in the family] and placing it along the route as a way of saying goodbye.
Blessings
Anne
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Anne, how wonderful that you have a stone from that special place to leave on the Camino.I love the tradition of bringing a piece of your home and leaving it at that special loocation as though we are trying to.join the two ends somehow, or make a straight line between home and the place that gives you joy so you never lose you way and can easily go back and forth. When I was a really little girl, I would always bring a tiny bottle of water, from the lake or stream at home, to empty into the body of water where I was going, as if I could make a straight line joining home to the places that brought me joy-then I could never lose my way no matter how old or forgetful I became. It was the same age that I realised that trees, water and al living places had souls, that everything had been made of the same ‘stuff’ (which turns out to be true on the molecular level).When it was time to go home, I would fill the tiny bottle to do the same ritual in reverse, so the trees and cliffs and lakes and I could always be together. I know it was the same age that I became aware of angels and spirits, and began to talk with God whenever I was alone. I believe that all things created by God are united in purpose and nature, and when we perform the small, personal rituals that come right from the heart, we are making a prayer of sorts that celebrates unity, eternity,enlightenment
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I will carry photos of my two friends who died: Robert “Bob” Szatkowski, and Arthur “Buddy” Floyd.
Sister, I’m sorry that happened to you. Bill, thanks for your big heart and your incredible generosity.
I have also been stunned by current events… Sorry, I’ve been held speechless and saddened. 17 days 2go! Ultreia!
Love, Peter
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Dear Peter,
I think you might be the first person, in nearly 4,000 comments posted on this blog, who has signed off with “love.”
I think that’s bloody fantastic.
Good on you!
With what hold in your heart, I think you’ll have a profoundly moving Camino.
Bill
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What will be, will be. But, Bill, you not only have immense Love working in your blog, (mostly because you have already established that with your own loving and curious spirit), but you have provided a safe container for it! Thanks mate! I am loving this blog!
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Arlene and Sister….thank you for sharing part of your journey that you are on with us all. I am so touched and inspired by you both.
And Peter….what a wonderful way to describe Bills Blog…. “a safe container”.
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Abbey,
You are most welcome! I love this blog and the forum. Peter is so correct when he describes it as a “safe container”. I know I feel totally safe revealing “Arlene” to my PGS family.
Thank you Bill for this wonderful safe place!
Arlene
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I’m very touched that you all feel this way.
We can prove that the Internet is indeed a “safe” place to discuss deeply personal matters.
Bill
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Dear Sister Clare, I am so sorry you didn’t get an opportunity to make peace with your Dad before he died. We were so blessed that our Mother chose to marry our Father to become our gorgeous Dad.
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Dear Sister Clare – I echo Fran’s sentiments and do feel so sad for you. I hope that you will be at peace when you are able to at last say goodbye to your father when on your pilgrimage.
Fran and I are sisters (we’re the two girls in a family of five children) and we certainly were blessed in every way with our wonderful parents.
Last year I dedicated my Camino to Mum and Dad for giving me my life. Perhaps you might dedicate your Camino to your father – what a loving gesture that would be and it might be the last thing you need to do heal the hurt.
With best wishes – Jenny
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Thank you, Jenny- that’s a wonderful idea. It would be fitting in another way, too, because he had opportunities through his life to work all over the world, but was never free to take advantage of them. When I became an adult, he used to phone me from work to tell me all about the newest opportunity. He would be as excited as a kid, and had to internalise all that sadness when he had to tell them he couldn’t accept. It would be one last, great trip to take together.
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Oh, Sister, how sad and how amazing you are to carry all these people and grief in such a forgiving way. We are incredibly blessed to have you part of our lives, blog/forum or not, and whatever else happens in my life, you’ll always have a very special place in my heart 🙂
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Britta, thank you. I will try to be worthy of that most special.place in your heart- a gift like that is treasure, indeed!
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Hi All! I too walked my Camino in memory of my Dad and in gratitude to my Mom and Dad for loving me and blessing me with a happy childhood and setting a good foundation for me to live as I have and I still do.
My Dad was shot and killed by car hijackers outside of his home 10 years ago. His death was not only another tragic crime in South Africa, but it robbed me of my Dad whom I loved deeply. It took from my children the wonderful opportunity of getting to know their Pops and to love him as much as I know he loved them, they were 3 years old and 3 months old when he died. Getting over not only the sadness of his death but also dealing with the anger, the confusion, the bitterness and yes, even the hatred has been a journey in itself. Like Sister Clare, we as a family, my Mom, my sister, my brother and I, who are all followers of our Saviour Jesus Christ, knew that in order to move on with our lives we needed to forgive our perpetrators. The only way we could do that was to continually pray for forgiving hearts. Over time the pain has become easier to bear, the anger, the hatred and the bitterness has diminished. We have light hearts and live reasonably happy lives. Though for my brother to do that he needed to immigrate to New Zealand.
Part of my journey to healing has been through God’s grace, He works in strange ways that we often struggle to understand. At the time of my Dad’s death I made a vow that I was not going to leave his death to become another statistic of South African crime. After 4 years of prayer asking God for His guidance and direction, God took me into a prison near my home in Johannesburg where for the past 6 years I have been doing Restorative Justice workshops with offenders and have had the privilege of mediating in some Victim Offender Mediations where I have seen forgiveness and letting go playing itself out, I have also seen what happens when people struggle and can’t forgive and let go. Unfortunately we have not been able to meet our offenders so that we can tell them they have been forgiven, as they were never found to be arrested and for earthly justice to take its course.
My Dad did carpentry as a hobby, he made small wooden crosses for the Emmaus Organisation as agape gifts, I left one of his crosses at the foot of the Cruz de Ferro and dedicated my Compostella to him. My Camino was a walk of forgiveness and thanksgiving for my wonderful life.
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Hi –
is your name Sandy?
That’s a devastating story. I can understand the full range of emotions you, and the rest of your family, must have gone through.
And it sounds like you have funnelled the impact of what happened to you – the sudden taking away of your father – into work and efforts that are making a meaningful mark.
You are extraordinary.
Bill
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Sandy, I so admire your compassion and courage in working with Restorative Justice. It must have been difficult at first, especially having been a victim of crime in such a senseless way.I have worked off and on with released women offenders, and when it goes well,its so rewarding.
I have to say I’ve been quite overwhelmed with all the kind remarks you and many others have made about my post.I’ve never experienced such kindness, truly. I just want to say I’m a very ordinary person -I believe unless we forgive those who hurt us, we cant expect to receive forgiveness when its our turn to need it; and until we can forgive, those who have caused the initial suffering will continue to have power and negative influence in our lives. Love heals all things.
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Sister,
“Love heals all things”
Amen
Lovingly,
Arlene
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Hi Bill yes I’m Sandy. Thanks for your kind words.
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Bill I would also like to tell you all that I feel more comfortable to share this in the safety of PGS than I was on the Camino, I only told about 4 people, as I did not have the energy or the desire on the Camino to discuss the safety of living and traveling in South Africa or the political situation. In the true Spirit of the Camino one of the people I did share with does Restorative Justice work with struggling teenagers in London in an effort to keep them from lives of crime and prison.
Love Sandy
I liked your earlier comment about our signing off with the word “love”, I wonder why we don’t do it!
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Hi Sandy –
sometimes the stories that come up on this blog affect me so deeply that I really don’t know how to respond.
I feel there is nothing that I can really say that can fully express how I feel. And that anything I do try and say in response will seem slight or superficial. And if I try and put gravity into a response, I feel it might appear insincere.
So thank you is all I can really say for trusting this blog to tell us your story – one of your stories, because I’m sure you have many others – and also for the expression of love – which is all there is.
Bill
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Dear Bill, I keep telling people who always try to hide their worth under a bush that I can always see the halo hovering … and what you’ve given us is a safe place to exchange ‘halo’ stories. No one is judging, everyone understands and we’re all so relaxed and trusting in this space that we can tell those stories. So, again, thanks for setting up the frame-work for us all to build on.
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Hi Britta –
Thanks and as you know that was never my original intention but its great that its turned out that way!
But it’s all because of y’all, as Steve would put it. You’re the ones who are trusting, I’m just holding up the four walls!
Same with the forum – same feeling over there. Which myself and the moderators, Sister and Arlene, are very carefully maintaining.
http://www.pgsthewayforum.com/forum
The place for y’all to “discuss the spirit of the Camino!”
Bill
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Dear Sister Clare and Sandy –
Thank you both for your thoughts and Sister Clare, I am so happy that you will be walking with your Dad beside you in spirit – it will be every step of the way.
Sandy – thank you for sharing with us the story of your Dad’s tragic death and for trusting us in the sharing of it. How your family, and you particularly, have managed to live with grace and managed to forgive the offenders in the years since he died is extraordinary. I have MUCH admiration for you. Love, Jenny
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