Guest Blog – Jennifer; Letting go the Past…

Posted on by

I mentioned on the blog that my wife Jennnifer doesn’t believe in the past. She’s been working hard to release the past from her life. 

Some of you wanted further explanation, so today I’m giving the blog over to her, so she can tell you in her own words. 

Letting go the Past…

A while ago I had a problem. So I asked my Higher Self how to solve the problem, and the answer I got was: “Let go of the past.”

I didn’t like that answer so I rephrased the question and I got the same answer: “Let go of the past.”

I didn’t want to let go of my past.  I didn’t want to let go of the wonder of my life,  the joy of my family, the beauty I’ve experienced.  I didn’t understand. So I asked: “How do I let go of the past?”  As I phrased that question the answer rocketed in to me:

“Let go of pain and suffering.”

Oh my goodness, is that my past?  Pain and suffering?

That was about 6 months ago now, and I’m still letting go of that pain and suffering, along with anger, hate, grief, frustration, fear. There’s a long list of things I’m releasing from my life. In letting go of the past I’m slowly taking off a putrid, disgusting shroud.

Yet I’ve discovered that all the good remains! Love, joy and delight are not the past. They cannot leave me. They are me.

Pain and suffering create stress.  Stress creates ageing.  Ageing requires a calendar and a time progression.  Thus I’ve ended up with a past.

(I know that sounds way too simplistic and I sound like a whacko – but I’m very comfortable with everyone having their own opinion.)

I must not look to “the past” to find a solution to a problem.  In the past I’ve used anger and frustration. So to use a past solution is only going to continue the habit of the problem and bring the problem again into my present.

How do I solve a problem?  I asked this question after I became comfortable “letting go the past”.

“Put love to it,” was the answer I received.

So when I “put love to it,” I am literally loving my problem. (I’m still learning to do this.)  When I love the problem I am allowing the solution to present itself without a struggle, without that charged energy that attracts the habit of the problem.

I can rewrite my past.

If at anytime in the day I think back on my life, as we all do, and I have any negative feelings toward anything that has happened to me, I pour as much love into it as I can.  I literally blow kisses at the memory to remind myself to let go of any pain and suffering.

And so I become very comfortable with all that is called the past. As I do this I notice that what I thought was past becomes very present to me. This is quite a recent experience.

This exploration has only just begun.

Jennifer

Jennifer Headshot

108 thoughts on “Guest Blog – Jennifer; Letting go the Past…”

  1. Jennifer, this is extraordinary and deeply thought provoking. What really grabbed me was the concept of “putting love to it.” I can imagine that putting that concept into play is a game changer. I’ve been struggling with some issues in my past. I am going to try “putting love to it.” Putting this concept into play — at least for me — is likely to be a life long project! But it’s worth the effort. It dovetails nicely with my current philosophy of living each day to the fullest and without regret. Thank you so much for sharing this! Have you thought about writing a book, too?

    Like

    • Hi Sister – and Julie

      Jennifer is over at her mother’s place. She’s quite elderly and had a fall the other day, so she’s looking after her.

      But she’ll get back to you on these posts later this evening when she gets back home.

      From the substance of her post today, you can tell that it’s been a struggle for me these past 31 years to retain my grip on any semblance of normalcy.

      😀

      Bill

      Like

    • Hi all –

      Slow start here in Australia for me this morning. Been focusing on the book. Got the first chapter totally rewritten, and now onto the second chapter, which also needs a total rewrite.

      They need to be within the style of the later chapters, where I found my “voice” for the piece.

      Jennifer has been over at her mum’s place last night and this morning. Her mother lives two houses over from us here in Mudgee, where Jennifer was born. Her mother is 85 and had a bad fall the other day. Broke her arm and collarbone, and so Jennifer has been over there looking after her.

      That’s why she hasn’t responded to your comments on her post yet. But she will get to it in a few hours.

      Thank you also for those who have joined the forum. Good to see you over there – and to Sister Clare, who is doing a great job in her newly adopted role as Forum Moderator (notice the use of caps please, signifying the importance of the job!), and has been batting posts back and forth.

      So, I have thoughts on a new post myself today – and it will be going up later. For now though, a cup of coffee after writing (or rather REwriting) since 5am!

      Bill

      Like

      • Hi Bill,
        So sorry to hear of Jens moms fall and injuries. I am sending lots of healing prayers her way, I’m certain as others are as well. Take care and notice that I am staying out if the reparte between Sister and Steve. They make too good of a team!! Xoxo

        Like

        • Thanks Jill –

          Her mum is a very hardy woman. But 85 is getting on.

          She’s a devout Catholic, goes to Mass each Sunday, so I will let her know about the healing prayers and I’m sure she’ll be chuffed.

          Thank you.

          Bill

          (And yes, best leave the room when Steve & Sister are slugging it out. Skin and feathers fly)

          Like

    • Julie, I’ve got a lot to learn from you. “Living each day to the fullest”! Now that’s something for me to get to work on. Thank you.

      Like

  2. P.S. I love the photo of you. I see Bill in the reflection of your sunglasses. It struck me as so sentimental for some reason. Maybe because of your recent anniversary. Anyway, it is really nice!

    Like

  3. Hi Jen! This is really interesting. I began to realise that for me, the past, because I can’t go back and change it, is pretty two dimensional.Seeing it like that was a disconnect to a lot of emotional shadows that were following me.When you talk about letting go of fear, anger, grief etc, is there a process you use to shed them, or is it more of a visualisation? I love the idea of loving the unpleasant memories, thus disarming the past. I’ve used the image of shining light through painful past shadows. Because I didn’t have warm parents, I also had to learn to love the little girl I used to be.Its remarkable.how much power past and future, which don’t
    tangibly exist,can have over us. I like your approach very,very much. Thank you-I will try your loving imagery, too. Sorry for the word tail below-I hate this thing.

    will definately try the loving omagery

    Like

    • Dear Sister, you absolutely can go back and change your past. We see it all the time. Look at Lance Armstrong – he changed his past. Your past is only the story you tell yourself about yourself. What i’ve learnt is that when I put love on those painful memories they change.
      I used to think the narrative of my past stayed the same and I just became more comfortable with what took place but as the anxiety left the memory I was able to see that memory in a different way. Instead of seeing myself as a victim of what happened I could see myself dealing with something extremely difficult and surviving it. I am becoming the hero of my past if you like.
      How do I do it? The simplest way is the best for me. What I do is based on my unwavering belief that once I decide something must leave it must leave. That’s that. I ask it to leave. Now I’m disappointed to say it doesn’t leave all at once. Its like untangling a badly knotted skein of wool. I just keep at it.
      Visualisation is fabulous. Though I would never visualise anything negative. I could accidentally give permission for that negative to remain.
      Having said that – every thought I have is a visualisation and I’m am a long way off pulling my thoughts into a a clear positive line. When I notice my thoughts have taken a negative turn I just blow kisses at them.
      Why do I blow kisses? Just lately I have found that its is so much easier to have a physical expression of love. Something that I would only do to someone really close to me that I love. The physical act is done in a second and requires little effort. It engages my emotions faster than thinking “I should love this”. I think instead – “Blow kisses at it!” And my love is triggered at the same time.
      I hope this explains my process a little bit more. I love your word trail. Its so cute.

      Like

  4. Hi Jennifer,

    For the first time I experienced the phenomena spoke of by Sister and Steve (to mention a couple) where WordPress sent me a message that they could not post my comment at this time. And lo and behold my entire lengthy comment to your blog post was lost in cyberworld. Maybe, someone was trying to tell me I was being too wordy.

    Thank you for this insightful post!

    While I was walking the Camino last year, a voice whispered in my ear, well maybe not whispered more like shouted – “FORGET ABOUT THE PAST, YOU CANNOT CHANGE IT”. Now maybe that voice was God, or my PGS or simply something I have known forever resurfacing, but from that time forward I have been practicing a belief that “It is what it is, and I cannot change the past”.

    Once I grasped hold of this reality, so many of the painful memories washed away. I still have the memories but they are no longer negative memories, I look at them with love. After all, I believe they were the springboard to a new, improved Arlene.

    Thank you Jennifer for articulating a concept so many can benefit from practicing.

    Arlene

    Like

    • Arlene,isn’t it amazing how small and powerless the past becomes when you evict it from your life like that!? When I decided the past was a place that wasnt going to follow me around unless I allowed it to, I had to laugh at the grip Id let it have on me all those years.

      Like

  5. Hi Jennifer,
    Wow, you beautifully and succinctly put into words the experience that I have been living since moving to Palm Springs 8 years ago. I agree with every word you have written and know from the inside out that my journey of loving myself has as I have named it, “youthanized” me! I too have released my past and believe that I have altered myself on a cellular level. They say that every cell in our body will regenerate itself at least once every 7 years. I believe that as a result after the 7th cycle of 7 years or 49 years that our DNA strand flips over and we begin the 2nd phase of the 7 year cycle until we reach age 98. At that critical juncture, my higher self has told me that by forgiving myself for the responses to the injustices (pain, hurt, anger, abuse, depression, etc.) that I can heal the subsequent damage that you so beautifully described and am seeing my aging disappear. Scars are fading, wrinkles are disappearing, sun spots erasing and fat cells shrinking. In its place a light is shining inside of me so bright that others around me constantly make mention of it. It has been such an honor to have this special and magical relationship of love with myself that I am the happiest I have ever been in my life.

    I knew that you were special and reading your blog today confirmed it in a level I’m not even sure that I can properly relay. I look so forward to meeting you and Bill I hope that I can contain myself till we do. I have mentioned to Steve that we should finally take the trip to Australia that we have talked of very soon. Unless of course we can get you two up here sooner. Thank you for confirming for me that my experience is as real as I believe it to be and that there are others out there that are experiencing the same magic. You are a beautiful person and I feel honored to make your acquaintance!

    Sending much love and light,

    Jill

    Like

    • Dear Jill, thanks for being as open as Jennifer with your thoughts. I’ve never called it that I love myself, as much as always knowing that I was “good enough” and that’s kept me in very good stead through many up and lots of very downs over the years!!

      If you – and Steve too – decide to come to Australia, I have a spare guest room that gets used by lots of people from around the globe and you’d be very welcome to make use of it. I live in a suburb quite close (relatively) to the city centre and just love opening up my home to visitors. It expands my world in so many ways and no doubt I could learn lots from what appears to be your very active and glowing lifestyle!! 🙂 So let me know if you’d like to expand your already wide horizons and check out the Aussie contingent of PGS bloggers 🙂

      Like

      • Hi Bhasma,
        What a generous and lovely offer. Wow that would be incredible. And thank you for all the kind words. I never knew that it was up to me to love myself from the inside out nor did I realize that I was now responsible for being both a mother and a father to myself as well only this time the mothering and fathering would come from a place of unconditional love towards myself. It would be a honor to meet all of you. And how ironic that I have just become very good friends with an Aussie here in Palm Springs and earlier today was asking me to come there for his 40th Birthday Party!! So, you never know. This may really come to fruition!! But again thank you so much
        Like you I am trying to cut back from the hours I spend on here so that is why I come and go!! Best to you and I will look for your responses and comments when you do pop up. Much love. Xoxo. Jill.

        Like

      • Dear Jill and Steve, don’t worry about the Bhasma/Britta conundrum. Will answer to both and it was really just at the start of becoming part of this blog world that I thought best to ‘hide’ behind a blog name. I’ve since realised that it really doesn’t matter and just still blog as ‘Bhasma’ out of sheer cussedness!!

        As for the loving yourself etc, I left my birth country (Denmark) about 40 years ago and basically, since I was on my own on so many levels, was lucky enough to be resilient enough to accept who and what I was, and even through a few years of a horrendous relationship, I managed to never loose sight of that core of ‘good enough’ within myself. When I finally managed to get out on my own, I opened up in so many ways (a bit like you described about yourself, Jill), and have had people comment that I look nothing like I did when they knew me as part of that couple. Nice to have what you see in the mirror confirmed from people who care, eh?! And I point out, it’s not about beauty (which I’m so not!!) but about the life within as a person mirrored in your eyes for the world to see – and this is now getting far to esoterical, so will stop right here and since I’m off for a couple of days to an Ashram I visit regularly will check in again later in the week 🙂
        Britta/Bhasma 🙂

        Like

        • Thanks Britta. You are right, no need to use a pseudonym on this blog. Just a bunch of whacky but caring people. Pretty obvious that Jill and I don’t hide behind pseudonyms and we spill a lot of personal stuff because we feel safe and loved in doing so. Other than Bill and Jen, we may be the only couple on here, and we live 1500 miles apart. Some days, this blog is our only communication with each other. Strange world, huh? But interesting. Steve

          Like

    • But this is so inspirational Jill! Thank you! You are giving me a kick along. Fabulous!

      Like

  6. Jennifer, This is an excellent post and one that is very provocative to me. I believe that we are defined by every event that has taken place along life’s way, but I do not believe that we have to be burdened with the past. We all have pain and regret, but that is part of the human experience. There are so many things that I wish I had done differently, but I don’t get that opportunity, and that is like standing in front of a door that will never open again, and it prevents us from moving on to the next door to see what life still holds for us. When Jill and I decided to separate a year ago, she gave me a present of Gary Zukav’s audio of his book “The Seat of the Soul”. I have listened to it many times. You remind me I need to do it again. While I don’t subscribe to everything he says, the essence of it is to live life with love, reverence, and anticipation, but without expectation.

    Take the Camino for example. I knew that I was going to walk the Camino, so of course I expected the event, but I can honestly say I did not have any expectations of what the event would be like or reveal to me, and I left myself as a completely open slate. Jill and I had been separated 10 months at that time and I honestly did not have an expectation as to what would develop between the two of us. I still don’t know that answer. I had no idea if I would have a religious or spiritual experience from it, and still not sure if I did or not. But, it is kind of like Marine Corps boot camp, it was rough when I was there but something I look back on with pleasure and joy. Yes, I would do it again if I can allow my hips to quit hurting.

    On September 2, 1999, (Sister’s birthday BTW), Shelley, my wife of 21 months, was suddenly killed in a freak motorcycle accident. She was just shy of her 47th birthday. It was a defining moment in my life and I can not rationalize it or express joy over it or look back on it with love. But I can accept it. According to Zukav, she was a highly evolved soul, which she was, and one would think that God had something more important for that soul than to remain here on earth. (I first read the book following her death while looking for answers) I don’t know, but I have had to go with Zukav’s notion because it is the most comfortable I can come up with. I also believe she couldn’t leave until her 15 year old daughter was protected and that is where I came in . I became legal guardian over her natural father and I think she hand picked Jill to replace her in my life. Gratefully, they knew each other. Even with that explanation, I can’t embrace that accident, but I did learn to live with it and never believed that I had been singled out. That type of thing is happening to someone right now. We don’t have to understand it, only accept it. All time spent trying to understand it is time not being lived today. So, I look back on our life together and those memories with love and fondness and just accept that for some reason it had to end. With Jill’s help, I was able to move forward with life. I chose not to stand in front of a door that would never open again, and hard as it was, move to the next door.

    This is just an example from my own life and what your post evoked from me. I am not unique. I am sure each of you has examples in yours. Thank you for your incredible post.

    I will close this with a quote from Gary Zukav. “Eventually, you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.” I think the Apostle Paul said something like that also. It’s not a new concept, but boy is it difficult.

    In case it is not clear, I agree with everything you said Jennifer.

    I apologize for the length of this post, but thank you for this opportunity.

    Steve

    Like

    • Yep Steve you’re so right. It is difficult and love is all there is. Those are the 2 ideas I wrestle with. And trying to go with only 1 of them – that “love is all there is” is very difficult! Surely it can’t be as difficult as walking The Camino!!!!

      Like

      • Jennifer, Walking the Camino is hard, but it is only hard for a few weeks. Remembering to embrace the world with love is a permanent and full time job and one that appears to be contrary to basic human nature. It has to be constantly practiced. I woke up kinda down today, but your post changed that. Thank you. Steve

        Like

      • Steve I think pilgrims like you and everyone else who has, is or will walk the camino are changing human nature .(Maybe the old 1 step forward 2 steps back makes it hard to see that change.) My human nature is changing. I would never have thought 3 months ago that I would be discussing “Love is all there is” on the internet machine with Steve in Texas. Amazing! Truly amazing! My thanks to you!

        Like

          • With utmost respect, it’s a long way from the Steve that was blogging before he and Jill set off for Spain.

            Mind you, who would ever have thought that I’d be trading punches with a nun!

            Bill

            Like

          • Hmmmm. Empty time vs Steve time.
            Nope. I’ll stay with Steve time, anytime!

            Like

          • :-). BTW, did you notice that Shelley died on your birthday? Jill pointed it out to me. I am amazed that I did not pick up on it when you told me your birthday. That’s a good thing.

            Like

          • Yes, I noticed that right away the first time you told me about it. I wasn’t sure if pointing out that it was also my birthday was the most sensitive thing to do. I recall thinking, here I was, probably ignoring my birthday, but aware of it, and you were in such pain all those miles away. We get so involved with ourselves sometimes that we completely forget someone else may be suffering while we laugh and relax. Now Ill always remember how hard that day was for you.

            Like

          • Sister, Thanks and the thing of it is, lots of people are in exactly that place around the world right this minute. That’s just the way life is, always has been, and always will be. Not one minute did I waste thinking “why me” or “poor me”. If not me, then whom? Life is not always easy nor is it always fair, at least to our perspectives. Steve

            Like

          • Hi sister and Steve I just wanted to throw in there that I thought it was actually a blessing that your birthday is on September 2 I feel like he lost one angel only to find another!! There are no accidents!!

            Xoxo

            Like

          • Just wanted to thank you two for such a lovely compliment. I’m really touched.

            Like

          • It is an indelible day…….special for some and painful for others, but I imagine one could say that about all days. If only we knew all that happened in the world on any given day……..

            Steve

            Like

          • It’s true sister and you are welcome! I tried to respond to you directly but somehow this went thru Steve. Sometimes the response thing isn’t as easy at I wish it were. Anyways I’m glad you in all of our lives!! :-))

            Like

  7. PS: It is ironic that Jill and I posted in sequence, and let me just say that whatever the eventual outcome of our marriage, it will be with love. Steve

    Like

  8. Thanks Sister and congrats on being a Moderator. How perfect!! But we know Bill has impeccable taste!! And I think by now you know me well enough to know I will be jumping back in I just needed a break. Gotta brush up on my reparte skills to keep up with you all!! Sending love. Xoxo

    Like

  9. Jennifer, that’s a wonderful way to look at life. I think we can all take from that and live a happier more meaningful life. Have you considered having a blog of your own? I’d love to hear your thoughts on other aspects of life.

    Donna

    Like

    • Dear Donna –

      many thanks for that re Jennifer.

      She’s over at her mum’s place at the moment. (a couple of houses up the street.) Her mum is 85 and had a fall the other day, so she’s sleeping over there at the moment. (It’s 6:30am here in Australia).

      But she’ll be back soon and I’ll let her know of your post, and she’ll get back to you directly.

      Very lovely of you – thanks.

      Bill

      Like

      • Thanks Bill. It was remiss of me not to remember that Jennifer was at her Mum’s. I hope she is recovering well. I’m mildly obsessed with your blog. Never before have a followed a blog with such passion as I have yours. I did post quite awhile ago when I read the entire blog to that point in one day, I then promptly forgot my password and couldn’t respond to any posts. Until it suddenly came to me that my password had something to do with The Camino and I worked it out. Silly me. I still love your blog and get excited each time there is a new email in my inbox. Thanks for making such a difference in so many people’s lives.

        By the way, I’m in Queensland. You get up way too early to answer blog posts.

        Like

        • Dear Donna –

          the blog’s a weird creature, isn’t it? it can be addictive. It keeps me occupied for a good deal of my day!

          And yes, I do have weird hours. I normally like to get up early when I’m writing. I usually start about 5am, when the air’s fresh. The air between my ears that is!

          So thank you for being a part of it. We have a very eclectic little community here, and it’s growing daily.

          Ultimately we’re a supportive caring bunch –

          Bill

          Like

    • Donna that’s so sweet of you to say that. But no I have no intention of writing a regular blog here. I belong to the “I love to check it out but I’m too shy to leave a reply” Gang. There’s a lot of us and we are totally dependent on the rest of you in the “I must leave a reply” Gang. When Bill asks me to write something I do. Its my job to be helpful.

      Like

      • Oh dear now I’m replying to my own reply, too much. I walked away from my machine and thought “how am I being truly helpful?” Donna you have tripped me up here There is another site http://www.pgsintuitive.com where I have some blog posts. And this is where I occasionally do blog. Rarely – is a better description. I think Bill has given up encouraging me. I spend a lot of my day with my fingers crossed hoping Bill won’t remind me about my commitment to write something every week. You have reminded me – so I had better get back to it.

        Like

      • Thanks Jennifer. Now I feel bad that you are feeling guilty about doing blogging. Perhaps your own PGS is telling you not to do it?? I know I, and many others, would miss your insights if you didn’t blog though. I love the way you look at things. I hope your mum is recovering well. Be gently on yourself. Donna.

        Like

Comments are closed.